Do Women Control All the Sex?


If you’re not prepared to read about this- please don’t. I neither aim to offend or insult but merely point out  a trend I’ve seen repeated day in and day out. It’s either so socially acceptable that it’s now passe’, or everyone is willingly blind to it.

Women control most of the sex.

The conversation started between my husband and I when I watched the end of this  Excedrin Ad:

“Not gonna happen.” the girl says.

It made me wonder how many guys hear that all too often.

I think women control their men by withholding sex or controlling when and where by any number of excuses.

  • “I have a headache”
  • “I’m too tired”
  • The familiar signals, getting into bed with my jammies on and covers up. Sex? No thank you.
  • “I had a miscarriage”  we’re not having sex for 3 MONTHS.
  • “I just don’t feel like it tonight”
  • “Only if you really want to”
  • “We’ll have sex if you do ___ for me”
  • “I want to watch a movie or get on facebook or chat or skype or blog or pinterest or anything else except have sex”
  • “Tonight is my reading night”
  • “I’m going out with the girls tonight”

What is the result? Whether overt or covert women control the sex.

From a very black and white point of view:

Women are either 1) ignorant/naive regarding their husband’s biological need for sex or 2) Willfully ignoring it because they are self-centered.

I’m tired of hearing of wives who complain bitterly of their husband’s weakness for porn while being stingy in the bedroom. Am I excusing porn? Of course not. Frequent sex is not a panacea for any marriage, no amount of sexual fulfillment will ultimately satisfy. Only in Christ, as you both individually seek satisfaction in Him, will your marriage truly flourish. Yet even so, you have tremendous power for giving life to your man. Consider this well: Are you encouraging your husband to stumble or encouraging him to thrive?

We as women love control, and often we’re oblivious to it, even when it’s sucking the life out of our intimate relationships. Author Kimberly Wagner in her book Fierce Women
asks some insightful questions:

  •  ”How would your husband describe your bedroom disposition? What does it communicate to your man if you’re more passionate about shopping than sleeping with him?

  • Are you flirty and playfully sensual?

  • Do you plan for intimacy?

  • Do you receive your husband as your lover?

  • Do you tenderly initiate intimacy at times when he needs your attention?

  • Do you verbalize your enjoyment to him?

  • Do you let him know you’re looking forward to the next time?”

I wish this could be more comprehensive discussion of the topic. There is much that could be said for those of us who have baggage from past sexual hurts, shame and abuse- I understand this. But sex is a gift that should be fought for and is worth seeking out solid counseling that can walk you through that pain and frustration. Open up the conversation with your mate; discuss your emotional and sexual differences so you can begin to better navigate this area for both of you. Ask him about his needs and how you bless him. Even post-pregnancy there are plenty of ways to get creative ;)

I believe every woman wants to see her husband thrive. Deep down, she wants to see him stand tall in the battle, to affirm him and tell him “he has what it takes”. Often the best way to do that- is in the one area only she can ;)


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Winter Trends: Renaisance Inspired

For all you girls who love velvet and Romeo and Juliet.

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Winter Trend: Beanies

Unexpected, but right off the runway. Beanies have been a huge hit. You’ll find them bedazzled with gems or strutting with a pom pom, but either way they’re sure to keep your head warm in these chilly December days.

We chose a feminine color, (cool mint green) and paired it with a sleek leather jacket and grey jeans.

Gotta love the chic vintage Coach bag and leopard heels…

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Winter Trend: Brocade

The idea was showing the transition from groceries and errands to getting glammed for an evening entertainment. Keeping it simple. This adorable dress is from a local Portland designer, Alyson Clair

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Winter Trends: Winter White Look 2

Working with the same basic pieces, changing up the accessories. There’s always more than one way to wear the same trend. Use what’s in your closet.




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Winter Trends: Shades of Green

Green green green. blend them all together and what do you get? Pure fabulousness. Or at least, that’s what the trends experts advise…how do you think we did? The jacket and dress are Nordstrom via thrift-stores.

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Starting a Clothing Line: How To Determine Order Quantity


if I go with the approach of making a bunch of each item – investing the initial capital and hoping they’ll sell – is there a formula of some sort, or a rule of thumb, to estimate how many of each item I should make, according to targeted age range and price range? And which sizes are most popular? How do you go about finding the answers to questions like these? Do you just do a lot of research about your targeted market?

This is a question I grappled with as well. Initially it was easy because when you order from a pre-existing clothing line to carry their products as part of your online store, for example, they provide “size packs” in a pre-existing formula. Meaning, you have to buy a minimum of 6-8 garments, split into sizes. The size packs are often split like this:

XS (1) S (2) M (2) L (2) XL (1) A standard junior or “missy” pack is S (2) M (2) L (2)

We have found that a size pack closer to this is more effective:

XS (1) S (2) M (3) L (1) XL (1)   sometimes, we didn’t order an XL depending on the style.

Once you have established your target audience (are they women in their teens? Twenties? Thirties?) you will know what is the most popular size. For us, with a young woman demographic, S definitely sold out the most quickly, followed by M. The odd sizes sat on the shelves for quite a bit longer.

We rarely ordered more than 3 size packs to start out. You don’t want inventory and large amounts of money just sitting on your shelves. It’s better to sell-out that to be over-stocked.

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Holiday Party Inspiration

It’s been a whirlwind Thanksgiving and 2 days later my sister got married! Am I still breathing? check.

With all the hubub I haven’t had much time to think about fashion for the holidays, but I’m super excited to start freshening up my wardrobe for all the parties. Did I mention I LOVE dressing up?

I just discovered Cheongsam dresses, I love them for holiday wear because 1) they have plenty of modest options and 2) they are super sleek. I mean what’s not to love about this little beauty? I would pair this with my leopard booties and tights.



Of course I love the classic cocktail dresses look, as long as they aren’t too “bridesmaidy”. This one’s gorgeous.



For more of a gala event, which admittedly are few and far between, check out These Prom Dresses. I’m thinking the scarlet one, if it wasn’t too low. For something more full coverage these evening dresses are just stunning. I just want at least 5 of them.

Would you wear this to the Opera?


As for their Quinceanera Dresses, I may not be hispanic, but I’m pretty sure I could incorporate one of these into a killer photo shoot. They’re like bridal gowns except colored…

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Winter Trends: Winter White

Nothing says daring and confident as white from head to toe. Glamorous, bold- I LOVE it.

Elaini is rocking her Gramma’s faux fur jacket and white jeans from Target.facebook_0278


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Winter Trend: Plaid Look 2

This is such a fun way to borrow your man’s shirt and go girly. Yes, this is my little brothers shirt. Hey it works!

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