If you’re not prepared to read about this- please don’t. I neither aim to offend or insult but merely point out a trend I’ve seen repeated day in and day out. It’s either so socially acceptable that it’s now passe’, or everyone is willingly blind to it.
Women control most of the sex.
The conversation started between my husband and I when I watched the end of this Excedrin Ad:
“Not gonna happen.” the girl says.
It made me wonder how many guys hear that all too often.
I think women control their men by withholding sex or controlling when and where by any number of excuses.
- “I have a headache”
- “I’m too tired”
- The familiar signals, getting into bed with my jammies on and covers up. Sex? No thank you.
- “I had a miscarriage” we’re not having sex for 3 MONTHS.
- “I just don’t feel like it tonight”
- “Only if you really want to”
- “We’ll have sex if you do ___ for me”
- “I want to watch a movie or get on facebook or chat or skype or blog or pinterest or anything else except have sex”
- “Tonight is my reading night”
- “I’m going out with the girls tonight”
What is the result? Whether overt or covert women control the sex.
From a very black and white point of view:
Women are either 1) ignorant/naive regarding their husband’s biological need for sex or 2) Willfully ignoring it because they are self-centered.
I’m tired of hearing of wives who complain bitterly of their husband’s weakness for porn while being stingy in the bedroom. Am I excusing porn? Of course not. Frequent sex is not a panacea for any marriage, no amount of sexual fulfillment will ultimately satisfy. Only in Christ, as you both individually seek satisfaction in Him, will your marriage truly flourish. Yet even so, you have tremendous power for giving life to your man. Consider this well: Are you encouraging your husband to stumble or encouraging him to thrive?
We as women love control, and often we’re oblivious to it, even when it’s sucking the life out of our intimate relationships. Author Kimberly Wagner in her book Fierce Women
asks some insightful questions:
”How would your husband describe your bedroom disposition? What does it communicate to your man if you’re more passionate about shopping than sleeping with him?
Are you flirty and playfully sensual?
Do you plan for intimacy?
Do you receive your husband as your lover?
Do you tenderly initiate intimacy at times when he needs your attention?
Do you verbalize your enjoyment to him?
Do you let him know you’re looking forward to the next time?”
I wish this could be more comprehensive discussion of the topic. There is much that could be said for those of us who have baggage from past sexual hurts, shame and abuse- I understand this. But sex is a gift that should be fought for and is worth seeking out solid counseling that can walk you through that pain and frustration. Open up the conversation with your mate; discuss your emotional and sexual differences so you can begin to better navigate this area for both of you. Ask him about his needs and how you bless him. Even post-pregnancy there are plenty of ways to get creative
I believe every woman wants to see her husband thrive. Deep down, she wants to see him stand tall in the battle, to affirm him and tell him “he has what it takes”. Often the best way to do that- is in the one area only she can