Aug 27 2008
What Guys love about Modest Girls
Taking all other motivations aside (honoring the Lord, protecting our brothers, confirming the gospel, self respect etc) let’s just look at this one issue- the guys in our lives. We all need encouragement, and since many young men are too scared to tell you to your face- I’m telling it for them.
It’s easy to forget- when you are bombarded by the most provocative pictures imaginable and you are hooted and whistled at when walking down the street. It’s not hard to do the logical connection- when I look good, I get a response. When I don’t look good or dress “quietly” I am ignored. Hmm…what does this tell me about the guys? Are all guys just looking at my outward appearance? (cuz, if so, I’m in serious trouble 
Well, let’s get one thing straight- what type of guy are we talking about here? Some men, yes, they only care about the outside (we’ve all met that type at one time or another). But for now, I’m just addressing the believers we know at work, church or in our own homes.
Good men want modesty. Really they do.
One gentleman writes:
“If I could say anything to the women in the church, it would be this. First, there is not a man I know that doesn’t in some way struggle with lust. If they had any idea what went through guys minds it would probably vastly change the way they dress. Secondly, and I think most importantly, God has created his church to be a resting place for Christians, to be a place where people can encounter God with out all the distractions. It is disappointing when I walk into the church or an event with the church and have deal with the same temptations I that face in the world. But I rejoice whenever I see a girl or women who is attempting to serve the lord and guys by dressing modestly. You have no idea how sweet and challenging it is when I see a women who has decided not to flaunt her body like the culture shouts for her to do but rather she has decided that serving the lord and her brothers is more important. Glory to God for women like that!
Another gentleman affirms:
“I am so grateful for the friendships God has given me over the past year and half, for the godly ladies in my care group. I am so appreciative of the sacrifice these ladies make to glorify god and serve the guys. I heard a story of one of the ladies in our ministry who went shopping and really liked a shirt she was trying on but then she thought: “no I can’t do this to the guys” that was the first time I had ever heard of anything like that and it made me so grateful. It’s such a blessing to have friends who care for me enough to be self-less and sacrifice what might look attractive to help me and other guys with sexual lust. When ladies dress modestly it is attractive, (and CJ. Inserts, “Oh yes, there is nothing more attractive than a godly women dressed modestly) and makes me want to hang out with them more. I think modesty is so attractive and helpful in friendship because it makes easier for a friendship to be centered around God and fellowship to be unhindered.”
Age 15 I wish I could stress this enough, but I can’t.
Age 21 I will completely look over a super model with no character for an average girl with amazing character.
A few more voices:
“To be honest, we respect you more when your appearance is modest, We really do not want the kind of girl who dresses provocatively, for we know that if we marry her, she will still be that way in the presence of others.
Thank you, dear Christian sisters, for hearing our hearts on this subject. We really are “our brother’s keeper.” (Genesis 4:9.) Please, girls, do not say, “I don’t care,” but help us in these last days to live as close to Jesus as we can. Thank you so much.”
“You have no idea how much it means to me as a guy when I see girls who are doing their best to be modest. These are girls that I feel completely comfortable being friends with, and by their actions they demand my respect. Modesty will win you the friendship of guys who will care about you as a person and will see you as a sister in Christ before they see you as anything else…”
Let’s face it girls, the type of guy who likes you solely for your looks would be hell to live with and soon wander off to greener pastures. Deep down, we all know this, and honestly I think we just tend to forget. Our loneliness or longing for attention must first be met in a living relationship with Jesus. Only then can we be a women that radiates true beauty through modesty.
Elizabeth Elliot interviewed a group of young college students for qualities they are looking for in a wife…I found their answers intriguing and full of elusions to “inner beauty”
“I look for women who are secure in the Lord. Content. Can handle adversity.”
“Quietly Courageous”
“Not trying to please everybody.”
“Maternal. That’s important”
“Femininity”
“Affirmation”
“Encouragement”
“Tenderness”
“Sensitivity”
“Vulnerabiliy”
Those are the qualities we are called to develop. That’s what good men really want. And from personal experience, such a woman as described above is highly attractive.
I want to end with this final encouragement from a fellow peer:
Keep persevering! Your efforts are appreciated and noticed, even though you may not be able to see that. It serves us guys tremendously, not only in not being tempted each time we look at you, but also knowing that you care and that your heart attitude is to serve. Thank you for guarding the guys!
The guys are proud of you. Keep up the good work.
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[...] What Guys love about Modest girls [...]
I just want to thank you for writing this!!! It totally opened my eyes to realizing that modesty is something guys notice. I’m seventeen years old and i have a twin sister and we’ve both struggled with immodesty. In our society now it’s so wrapped up in girls trying to please guys with outer appearance and trying to catch guys eyes just to make them feel important. It’s so twisted but it’s something us girls just automatically feel a need to do. I’m waiting till marriage and i’ve never had a serious boyfriend before because i’ve never met a guy with the same morals and beliefs. But I havent thought about the fact that a godly man wouldn’t be interested in a girl that is showing alot of skin. So my motivation will be dressing modestly for my future husband.(: I’m definately going to show this artical to my bible study group.(: And thanks alot for being open to us about this issue. really, it means alot!
Michelle, there are good men out there with strong morals and beliefs. Don’t give up hope! If you send me your address I will send you a book that really encouraged me during my teen years (and even to this day) “For Young Women Only”, it’s fabulous.
Christa,
Thanks so much for this post! It was exactly what I needed to hear at the moment!
I just started college (I really feel that the Lord has called me to become a Music Therapist), and YIKES… I’ve seen more immodest people in the past week than I have in my entire life!! Even the people I know to be Christians are so immodest.
I’ve wondered if being a skirt wearing, very modest girl even makes any difference as every one else gets talked to, but me! In the past week I’ve noticed that boys look at me a LOT differently than they do other people! And they treat me a WHOLE lot differently too, I guess you could say respectfully… but it’s still kind of hard, but as I’ve been told by my mom, it will make a big difference in the long run.
Thanks for reminding us that guys really DO appreciate us dressing modestly… we need to hear from more of them!! I love the list of things that guys like in girls from Elizabeth Elliot, once again it was just what I needed to hear!!
Blessings,
Alexandrea Smith
http://www.homesteadblogger.com/aquietlittlewoman
Thank you so much for writing this post! I am going to post a link to it on my blog, http://cecilia-rose.blogspot.com Sometimes it is discouraging when you seem like the only girl who is dressing modestly (even among Christian circles!). I would never lower my standards, but it is great to hear of other sisters-in-Christ who are doing the same thing, and it is so WONDERFUL to hear encouragement from guys who are blessed by our appearance and demeanor. And when I really think about it, I think that I get pretty good respect from guys at my college, even ones I don’t know: I get doors held open for me, or I get the hand motion to “go ahead”, and just other respectful things in general. By the way I dress, guys automatically know to treat me like a lady, and that I’m not an object to behold. I’m treated with dignity!
Nothing is more attractive to me then a girl who is modest, one who actually cares about her body and the guys around her. I feel so sad when I see girls who aren’t really wearing anything at all walking down the street, because I know that the bible says in Matthew 6:21, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” And I can tell that those girls are just dealing with vanity and are just wanting to be seen.
But, thanks to you girls out there who are modest and care about yourself. God will bless you in many ways, one of them being a good husband who cares about who you are rather then what you’re wearing. I know that when I get married it will be to a girl who loves the Lord, loves kids and loves modesty.
Oh how I wish the girls in our teen group could read this. We have a couple girls that I can’t even believe what they wear to church, and they’re only 14. And when they went on a mission trip, finding shorts that came to there fingertips when standing was impossible, they had to go get new. The hard thing is that the parents don’t see this as an issue. And I don’t get it — I almost can see how if a mother is self consumed herself wouldn’t put barriers on her daughter because she’s thinking “oh she feels good about herself”, not saying that’s right, just thinking humanly how we as women get to wearing immodest clothes to begin with. But knowing my husband and how he helps me see what causes problems for guys, there is no way he’d let our daughters walk out of the house looking like that (of course they’re 4 and 2, so we have a few years.
How can a supposed good Christian dad be ok with his daughter wearing short shorts, tight shirts, etc. knowing what problems it causes for guys. I’m not really sure how to approach this because obviously there parents standards are not the same as mine, but I would love for the girls to read this post and be able to see this for themselves. I really don’t think alot of girls really know what they’re doing, they see attention from guys as good and think if the guy is lusting its his own sin, but its not just his sin if you are causing him to lust. Would you be ok with me printing this out and maybe using this for a study for our girls?? If not, that’s fine, I just wish more girls would see that the right kind of guys aren’t looking for the type of girls they are portraying.
Deanna,
You are welcome to use whatever you find helpful. I would also recommend the very practical tool “The Modesty Survey” http://www.modestysurvey.com
Let me know if there is anything else I can you with.
As ever,
Christa
[...] September, 2008 at 2:37 pm (Ladies) Here is an article by Christa Taylor that I thought gave a good prespective on the issue of [...]
[...] toda mulher cristã deve ser protagonista de uma verdadeira revolução da moda! E podem acreditar: os homens cavalheiros amam as mulheres que sabem se vestir de acordo com seu estado de vida, e sua vocação. É hora de dar uma vira volta: não somos [...]
[...] What Guys Love About Modest Girls [...]
I struggle with knowing the line between dressing attractively and dressing immodestly. Since I’m not a guy, I’m not entirely sure where the line is. I may think nothing of a certain outfit, but it may be totally inappropriate. I don’t think I’m meant to hide behind huge t-shirts and baggy jeans (I’ve spent my fair share of time dressed like that), but in my attempts to look nice, I don’t want to go too far in the other direction. How do I determine what’s modest?
Here is a tool, that I hope will serve you. It gives some basic guidelines for dressing with self-respect and dignity.
The Modesty Checklist
Please note this is a tool, not a “one list fits all” hard and fast rule.