Mar 05 2009
Question from an ET
Please help. I was saved a year ago. Around that time God put it on my heart to dress modest and wear dresses only. I began changing what I wear and began wearing a lot of long skirts, denim, jumpers, etc. I’m getting ready to go home and visit family this summer. I haven’t seen my sister in a couple of years or so.
When I sent her a picture of me, she asked “why are you dressing like a frumpy housewife?”
She doesn’t understand. She thinks I have run off and joined some religious cult
When I go home to visit, I will be dressing in skirts. How can I offset the negativity I may get and remain calm.
Thank you
There is something we must recognize and acknowledge before we proceed- Our unbelieving culture, our family, friends, our coworkers will never fully understand modest Femininity. It will always be a bit of a mystery to them. “Why wear a one-piece when you can wear a bikini?”, “You’re not wearing a halter/strapless to the formal?” or my latest “no hun, you leave that button undone so you’re pretty bra shows”.
Puzzled glances, questioning store clerks, curious relatives- it’s all part of the norm. The question will eventually arise, you will explain your convictions and whether they stare in dumb unbelief, mock, or turn haughtily away, stand by your convictions.
If you are face ongoing pressure remind yourself of Romans 12:1 “Do not be squeezed into the world’s mold, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind”. Remind yourself of God’s truth, how a “meek and quiet spirit” is precious in His sight. Remind yourself that “Charm is deceitful and beauty is fading, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised”
With that said, we aren’t condoning frumpy dress. You can be very attractively attired while still being modest. Modesty should never be an excuse for “letting ourselves go”; find those pieces that match your style and your convictions.
Do any of you gals have something to add?
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I am a skirts & dress only wearer as well. You don’t have to dress frumpy to be modest. You can check out my blog for ideas if you would like.
A lot of people just don’t understand the desire for modesty that God has put in our heart. I know that what I am about to say is eaiser said than done, but you just need to not worry about what your sister thinks and just focus on what God wants you to do.
I have traveled the path pants to only skirts and back to some pants again. The Lord leads each one of us in different ways. The important thing is the heart attitude and desire to be modest.
It has been a good challenge for me to remember it isn’t the skirt that is important but modesty and femininity. It isn’t because God commands skirts that I wear them it is out of gratitude for His amazing grace that leads me to live a life that pleases Him and not causing my brother to stumble.
Many of my friends and I who have worn only skirts have also struggled wondering if simply being “in style” is worldly and thus immodest. You can’t go there, but but at the same time many styles do draw the eye to the wrong place etc. Be creative, find fun stylish clothes that are modest and that maybe even your sister can appreciate, as a change of style for you and not simply to be frumpy and prove your Christianity. It will keep doors open to share and hopefully respect rather than disdain.
Still we are pleasing God not man! May the Lord bless and encourage you on this journey!
I hope you’ll allow me to encourage you.
Skirts and dresses only? Beautiful! (But there’s nothing wrong with jeans or slacks if/when needed).
There are many ‘women’ in the world but precious few ‘ladies’. It sounds like you’re one of them.
I’m going to make a few assumptions here before I put a few questions that you or any ET could use when confronted by the world’s sloppy mindset/views.
If we assume that these people have very liberal ideas about relationships, alcohol, “recreational” drugs, sexuality and fashion, then they’d probably not raise an eyebrow at a low-cut top or a mini-skirt (they’d probably just enjoy the “eye-candy”).
So:-
When did these peoplebe fashion gurus? (More like fashion lemmings to me! ^_^)
What qualifies them to say what’s acceptable
When was your comfort or clothing choice a worry to them.
Does anyone consult you about their clothing choices? And, importantly:
Since when were you accountable to these individuals?
Enjoy being a girl. Let everyone else be jealouse.
Have fun
God bless
Gentleman
That is SO TRUE about there being “many women in the world but precious few ladies”! Very well-put! I’ve learned so much through all these posts, and I am trying a lot harder these days to be a real “lady”!
Thanks, everyone!!!
I completely agree with D’Rae! You can spruce up any outfit with cut accessories! Dressing modestly doesn’t mean you wear over-sized t-shirts or baggy clothes. You can still show off your shape, without wearing clothes that looks like they were painted on.
I know I already replied (on the contact page).
However I just wanted to add to it and encourage you to be kind and understanding to your family, as they must truly not know where you’re coming from.
Best wishes.
My journey has been a lot like Jessica’s……I have gone from skirts only to allowing myself the freedom to wear pants and jeans on occasion. For me, I was wearing skirts only as a legalism thing, which it shouldn’t be.
However, if you are wearing what the Lord has put upon your heart, that is the ONLY thing that matters. It is hard to remember that sometimes, especially when the world (for some crazy reason) feel compelled to tell you what to do. But how you dress is between you and Him.
There are so many ways to be modest and feminine. I am anti wearing things that make you look like a flour sack…..but you can get around that.
Hello!
I am also a woman who wears skirts nearly all the time, but I do also wear jeans around the house and out working in the yard. I agree with the other ladies and the Gentleman on all their comments regarding modesty being first and foremost a quality of the heart.
First the seed of desire to please God is planted, and then it blooms beautifully into an outward statement of protection. My Christian sister was shocked when she saw me wearing skirts 24/7. She seemed to be more showy in her dress around me to almost flaunt what she had when she knew I was trying to be modest by covering up! Talk about discouraging, but I knew that pleasing God is more important that pleasing man.
Over the years I’ve discovered so many lovely skirts that are modest and stylish. Just add nice accessories and you’re good to go! But also remember too, that it’s all to the glory of God. I know that for me, even in a drabby jean skirt and old coat, guys still try to catch my eye and look me over. So, if you’re being modest and you get the wrong kind of attention, I’m afraid that that’s just life! Don’t worry about others’ opinions, worry about God’s! But be encouraged, there are many other ladies striving for modesty as well in this lust-saturated culture! Do what you know is right, and those whom you love will get used to it. It’ll probably take time, but God’s there with you through it all!!!
God bless!
I have another question…my parents require me to wear skirts at all times, unless I’m outside mucking out the stalls or something similar to that, but my heart isn’t really in it. I really enjoy wearing skirts/dresses a lot of the time, but sometimes it’s just really awkward playing soccer with friends in a skirt, or just going to a barbecue where everybody else is in jeans. Any suggestions or encouragements?
Lilly: First and foremost, I commend you for obeying your parents even though you question their rule. You are a dedicated daughter! However, have you ever talked to your parents about it? Do you know why they “require” you to wear skirts at all times? Do they have a Scriptural basis for it? Have you spoken to them about the possibility of wearing pants when you’re playing soccer, etc.? Obviously while you are under your parent’s roof you must do as they ask. But make sure that you have conversation with them. It wouldn’t be right for you to feel unease in your heart and not speak to them about it. This could harbour bitterness, which is not healthy. Ultimately, you need to spend time in prayer and God’s Word seeking after His will for you. If nothing changes with your parents, perhaps once you’re out on your own you can reconsider some of their requirements to reflect how God has created you. Blessings on you as you face this challenge in an increasingly changing world!
Yes, I have talked to them over and over again. They see wearing skirts/dresses as more feminine and weary pants as very sloppy.
You’re right, I do need to just keep seeking the Lord, thank you for the encouragement, Alison.
(weary=wearing)
I began to wear skirts and dresses only in public(unless I was working out or something) when I was in college. I will echo comments already made and say, you don’t have to be frumpy! Be you! Be stylish! Be comfortable! Be feminine! Be cute!
When I was in college, I got alot of compliments from people who didn’t even realize I wasn’t wearing pants. They just said, “Wow, you look so nice. You’re always dressed up!”
I’ll admit family was the hardest challenge. But, they are not really rejecting you. They are rejecting your God and what he stands for. Don’t lose your cool. We wrestle not against flesh and blood (Eph 6:10). Let them know you are not judging them or anyone else. Let them know in love, that this is just what you believe God is calling for and you only want to do your best to serve and please him.
Many of the same people who persecuted me and some of my other “skirt/dress only” friends, now have become born again christians and hold the same convictions! Believe it or not, people are looking for Christians to take a stand even if they don’t say so!
Show up in a cute (and modest, of course) top and twirly skirt. You might actually be an inspiration to your sister!
Please don’t get me wrong, though. We live for an audience of One, and should strive to please Him first and foremost.
I’m sorry your sister said those unkind things, and I’ll pray for you. Keep being strong and courageous!
I agree with the others that say you don’t have to dress frumpy to be modest.
But one thing I think we forget is that even if we don’t think we look frumpy, the world sometimes automatically equates long (especially denim) skirts with frumpiness. (BTW, I’m wearing an ankle length denim skirt as I write this… so this isn’t a bash against denim skirts).
Anyway, you asked in your question: “When I go home to visit, I will be dressing in skirts. How can I offset the negativity I may get and remain calm?”
All I can say is stand firm, pray, and stay in the Word. That’s all you can do. But God will lift you up and keep you standing firm.
And about your sister thinking you’ve joined some cult-
I recently wrote a blog post called “10 Good Reasons to Wear a [Modest] Skirt”. One of the reasons was that whenever someone asks you what religion you are…
BAM!
There’s an opportunity to share your faith and your convictions.
Hope this helps!
I know how you feel about going against the norm. I come from the UK and people find it strange and shocking when I say that I’m not at university for the “university experience” (ie partying and getting drunk) equally when going out with friends that I can find clothes which are modest.
I’ve started to try and wear skirts and dresses more and love it as i feel so much more more a girl when I do. If you are ever down about it have a twirl or two and you will feel so much better. Twirling is so much fun.
A few tips I’ve been given which I found useful are:
– if stuggling to find dresses (which you don’t consider a top) try wearing them over jeans (also particularly useful if it is a windy day outside)
- Cropped cardigans over layered t-shirts I always find cute.
- when layering I particularly like wearing a white t-shirt with lace at the bottom (privided that its long enough for modesty sake)under another shirt. Don’t underestimate the wonders of lace and frills especially when used suttlily and not overbearing.
- You will never look live a frumpy housewife in bright colours or patterns.
Remember you don’t have to dress vastly different from everyone else. If a shirt is too low or not long enough wear a second one under it to equal out the fabric.
I wouldn’t do this with a skirt but if a dress is too short wear it as a top or over some jeans.
If a dress is too tight buy the next size up
I have a really silly question to put out there…
What kind of shoes, especially in cold weather, are good to be worn with skirts. I have found myself avoiding wearing skirts when I want to because it’s so cold or because I intend to do a lot of walking and no shoes I have that are good for walking seem to be feminine and appropriate to be worn with a skirt or dress!
If any person has even a little piece of advice I would love to hear it.
Thanks.
Hi!
If you are doing a LOT of walking, there’s really not much you can wear (other than tennis shoes) for comfort. Maybe you could try some solid color tennis shoes (like Dr. Scholl’s) because those are usually comfortable and would still look okay.
I like to wear flat boots that go up the calf. They’re fairly comfortable and they also keep my legs warm!
During more summery months I like to wear ballet flats or flip flops with my skirts. Ballet flats tend to be pretty comfortable, especially if you get cloth ones.
Hi Anna!
I had just been wondering the same things myself, when I ran across someone’s blog where they suggested for comfort/support wearing those two toned tennis shoes that look like bowling shoes with a casual skirt. (That’s almost kind of retro, come to think of it! Cool!) So since my tennis shoes gave out, I just ordered some and plan to wear them with khaki and jean skirts. I, like you, want to wear skirts more but have had trouble figuring out the staying warm/comfortable part.
I’m still trying to figure out the staying warm in skirts part. I do wear boots to church but they aren’t comfortable to wear all day.
I hope someone else has more ideas?
Really long socks could work, it depends on the length of the skirt. Long underwear could also work, depending on the length of the skirt. Also, longer skirts are warmer, especially those designed to be warmer (winter skirts).
I’m in the same boat as you are. I’ve gotten in the habit of wearing leggings, knee-high socks over those, and finally cowgirl boots for footwear. The boots are really useful when trekking through the snow!
I have 3 pairs of boots that I love to wear Spring, Summer and Fall. A black pair of riding boots, chocolate brown ones and a gold (yes, gold) pair of cowboy boots (by Sam and Libby)
They look great with long and knee (or just below the knee) length skirts.
I get a lot of compliments from people. I always think the shoe makes the outfit. A sneaker, in my mind, almost automatically makes an outfit frumpy! (No offense, but if we are trying to avoid frumpy…..)
I admire you for only wearing skirts and dresses. Although I am a born-again christian, I do wear pants, jeans, dresses and skirts. None of my skirts are ankle length. I’m only 5′2, and an ankle length skirt or dress does not look good at all on me.
Being modest and wearing skirts only don’t get stuck into the have to wear long skirts, you can wear knee-length or calf length. And certainly don’t have to wear the denim jumpers.
I agree with the other buy some stylish skirts and dresses, don’t get legalistic and think you HAVE to wear the jumpers because others do that. You are young and hip, don’t dress yourself older than you are.
Maxi dresses are really in for Spring/Summer 09…take advantage of this trend!!
Ladies,
“Let your outward expression be an extension of what is in your heart.” It is not more biblical to wear a skirt vs. jeans vs. a strapless dress or a halter, if done in good taste. All things should be done in moderation and with the conviction that you are held to, not told to do by someone else.
However, I’m also not saying that all things are permissable. What I am saying is that if you listen to the your inner voice, the voice of the Holy Spirit, and use the creativity that you were enabled with, you will find a way of dressing that is appropriate for you and is a unique expression of who you are in the present. We are not called to hide in this world. We are called to share ourselves, share our freedom that comes out of knowing who we are, where we came from and where we are going. We are tapped into the one source of ultimate creativity and expression.
Let your inner joy shine through – in all that you wear – and you will never be accused of being a follower of anything less than your true self. Your clothing should not label you who or what you are. Your actions should.
Cheers!
Mary Beth F.
I just thought I’d let you know that I put a link to this post on my ‘Blogoversary Afterparty!’ post on Living Water!