Apr 16 2009
How Do You Catch His Attention? part 2
…continued from part 1, by Carolyn McCulley
3. Grow in Gratitude for the Gospel: Marriage is a tremendous gift. But it pales by far in comparison to the gift of salvation. It is also a gift that is only for this lifetime. It is an important gift, and one that desperately needs to be esteemed more highly in our generation, but it is only a temporary gift. So we need to cultivate our gratitude for the gospel—that outrageous act of mercy in which Christ took the punishment for our sins on the cross and, in the divine exchange, offered us His righteousness so that we could be reconciled to a holy and just God. Gratitude for the gospel should permeate our lives. When we really grasp that we’re walking objects of mercy, it colors everything we say and do. This is how we can “rejoice with those who rejoice” when we have yet to receive marriage—for we have already received something far more miraculous that we desperately needed.
“SMILE! Your joy and satisfaction is not found in another person but resides only in the Lord,” writes a man named Tim. “Trust me when I say that the guy loves to see a woman smile. This does not mean you should wink at him or laugh at all his corny jokes, but let him see your joy in the Lord.”
4. Pray Before, During, and After You Crack Twigs: Proverbs 30:19 says that the way of a man with a maiden is amazing and wonderful, something too profound to be easily understood. So if Scripture says this is a mystery, why should we expect that some formula or method in the latest singles self-help book is going to solve it? When you think about it, it is amazing that two sinners can be drawn to each other (at the same time!) and then make a pledge to stick it out for the rest of their lives. Frankly, the longer I observe the mystery of marriage, the more I am in awe of God’s sovereign ability to bring two people together. So pray for the gift of marriage for yourself and your friends, pray for the single men you know to find a wife, pray for your pastors and your church to help single adults get married, pray that God will conform you as a fruitful helpmate to your future husband, pray for a humble man who listens for God’s voice—and then pray that God speaks your name to him.
5. Encourage the Hunters: It’s hard to be a godly man in a culture that promotes pornography, violence, and self-centered passivity in men. Give some props to the brothers who endeavor to flee sin and temptation to follow Christ. Even without that outside influence, men have to work hard to trust God and risk rejection when they initiate relationships. So be gracious when you’re approached—this man may not be the hunter you wanted to attract, but don’t shoot him down so hard that he flees the woods. Even if you say no, be kind about it and make it easy for him to keep on hunting. In fact, encourage all the nearby hunters. If you see them selflessly serving others, speak up and thank them. If you see them stepping up to lead a group activity (akin to herding cats at times), voice your appreciation. If they serve you by getting rid of some pesky varmints in your neck of the woods, make sure they hear your “well done.” Your general reputation as an encouraging woman may well draw a hunter from the far side of the forest.
…part 3, and 4 to come
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Hey, this is neat! Great advice!
Yay, well said! I love the way Carolyn writes. Even as a married woman, I can see and appreciate what she’s saying here. I especially applaud her suggestion to “encourage the hunters” – even when it’s not the one you wish to pursue you. We should encourage and pray for our brothers in the Lord. It’s not easy being the initiator! From a married perspective, I can tell you our men are just human. They want to be the great hunter, they want to be superman for us, but they need just as much encouragement and thanks and prayers as we do.
Wow…so good! I’ve really enjoyed these posts!!
Great post, Mrs. Carolyn! I loved it. You had very great advice and I was glad to glean from your wisdom!
I have enjoyed this series of post. These post are good reminders to all Christian
young ladies.
I am loving these posts! I have been learning lately that it’s so important to ENCOURAGE boys/men that we come in contact with, especially our brothers and fathers. That’s really were a good marriage relationship starts… with the way we treat our family!!!
Would someone please explicate Proverbs 30:18-19 for me, please? I don’t understand those verses. Isn’t the “way of a man with a maid” simply a result of certain detectable brain chemicals? Why should people pray that such singles will marry, instead of praying that they will live according to God’s unique plan for their distinct lives? Is there anything inherently wrong with a Christian adult’s own desire to remain unmarried for as long as his or her present earthly life lasts? What’s so good about romance?
Prover 30:18-19 speaks of four things that are almost unbelievable to the author. But in all there mystery, there is easy mastery of all these elements (air, rock, sea, young woman) by the appropriate agent.
To answer your question: “What is so good about Romance, isn’t it just a result of certain brain chemicals?” let me draw your attention back to the very beginning. Part of the reason why Romance was created is to fulfill the command “be fruitful and multiply” but more than that, it was created for our enjoyment.
At creation, we were made to be distinctly different than animals, we are not controlled by instinct, we are designed to experience love and in this way reflect the God’s nature. We were made in the image of God, and the distinct differences in men and women (and our attraction to those differences) reflects His beauty and diversity. In fact, there is a whole book of the Bible dedicated to the beauty and wonder of romantic love (Song of Solomon).
Is it wrong to desire singleness? Heavens no. Jesus and Paul were both single, and describe it as a precious gift. The single woman (or man) is free to serve the Lord whole-heartedly without the distractions a spouse brings. However, God did create marriage as a reflection of the unity of the Godhead. No other relationship more clearly demonstrates 1 yet 3 as “the two shall become one flesh”. The relationship is even used as an analogy of Christ and His church. Furthermore, marriage is sanctification (or denying our sinful nature and becoming more like Christ through His grace) on hyper speed. Can you be made holy without being married? Of course, but walking so closely with another human being is bound to wear the rough edges off more quickly.
Marriage, Romance, Love- all were created to glorify God and for our enjoyment.
Thank you.
Christa -
Thanks for this. A good reminder that romance is not ONLY for our enjoyment but really and truly for the glory of God.