Apr 18 2009
How Do You Catch His Attention? part 3
…continued from part 2, by Carolyn McCulley
6. Refresh the Hunters: Be a hospitable woman. Cultivate your domestic diva and make your “nest” a place that hunters want to be. You don’t have to have a huge house or even your own house. Just make the place you reside a clean, comfortable and attractive place and then invite others in.
“Create group fellowship opportunities,” says a single man named Ricky. “You can both practice hospitality and get to know people better by inviting people over for a meal, or ice cream, or to watch a movie. Don’t feel bad about including ‘certain people’ when appropriate. And build the friendship—don’t throw yourself at him, but it’s okay to ask him good questions and follow up on previous conversations. Let him know that having a conversation with him isn’t horrible and laborious and you wouldn’t mind having another one.”
7. Be in Proximity to the Hunters But Don’t Scare Them Off: This one requires some finesse—you need your friends and family to help you evaluate how you are doing. Your accountability partners can help you discern your motives and behavior, and will keep you from swinging too far in either extreme—avoiding both aggressive pursuit and fearful hiding. But as a general rule, rustling and crackling are subtle activities. Thus it’s helpful to be within hearing range of the hunters.
“It’s okay to be noticed and approached. It doesn’t mean that you’re flirtatious; it might just mean that your biblical femininity is showing,” writes a single man named Jon. “Live for God and don’t be shocked if a guy or two notices you. That said, there are ladies who are overly friendly and try to make their interest known. Some guys eat up the attention and jump right in, other guys find this extremely unappealing. These ladies aren’t rustling leaves but rather letting out the loudest deer calls they can. Their dress, appearance or social prowess is what primarily brings attention, not their godly lives and biblical femininity. For these ladies, I would encourage them to also not be afraid and to trust God that the right guy will notice them. You may find that more men of godly character come out from the bushes when you become less intimidating.”
8. Follow the Leader: Every herd has a leader. Can the hunters tell if you are a good follower in that herd? A woman who is supporting and submitting to the leaders and authorities currently in her life is demonstrating she possesses wifely wisdom. And men do notice how women respect—and speak of—their pastors, bosses, and parents.
“Do you submit to your father’s leadership or are you constantly dishonoring him?” asks Tim. “Do you appreciate what your mom has to offer and teach you about being a woman? Even if your parents aren’t Christians, you are still called to honor them, and God can still use them in a powerful way to speak into your life.”
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Another great post! This series is great! Thanks!
Great series. I’m married, but what a good reminder to refresh and follow *my* hunter.
What a great post. This third installment I really like best. As a man, I can say point #6 makes a lot of sense. Deep down, us men who are looking for real meaningful relationships will have an open, inviting, and cozy home speak to them much more than some modern, white-walled, trendy setup. Even if you’re more the contemporary type, contemporary design does not have to be about watering everything down and making everything sterile.
While I’m not the most strongly religious type, point 7 also makes a lot of sense to me. My wife’s feminity showed through in her mannerisms; she was humble and let me do a lot of the courting, and was not overly aggressive or flirtatious to the point that you’re wondering: is there anyone this woman WOULDN’T flirt with? So overall I agree w/ that one too. This is a great series of posts, are we going to see a part 4?
Being a married man, I found this quite fascinating and the advice given here is excellent. Don’t worry, however, if you find it hard to remember (and apply) everything.
But if you’re one of those girls who struggles with this kind of thing there’s no need to lose hope and maybe I can outline some reasons, from experience, for saying so:-
A lot of times, when you just relax, serve God and enjoy being single, God will bring someone your way. When a person gets anxious and tries ***too hard*** to “push things along”, the outcome can be negative.
There was a young lady in our church a number of years ago who was just trying too hard. To use the “forest” illustration from the articles, there wasn’t any leaf-rustling being done. She’d contracted logging company (!) and soon there were swathes of deforested country left behind her as she dilligently and persistently persued every single man in succession, quitting only when the “current man” would have to resort to almost offensive manners to discourage her attentions. It sounds comical but, as you might have guessed, the single men either laughed about or dreaded the thought of an encounter with her.
There were men who were similarly clumsy or offensive in the way they explored dating opportunities. As for myself, I just tended to ‘hang-back’, not wanting to be rejected and not wanting to be thought the same as the other apparently foolish, ignorant or just plain stupid single “men”. As much as I wanted to date a girl, there weren’t any opportunities and I was too busy to go hunting. Perhaps I sound like a nerd, but I just got on with serving God and enjoying bachelor-hood (it does have its advantages, absurd as it may sound).
It was when I’d rsolved to do this (enjoy being able to serve God and be single without trying to force things to happen) that God brought a single lady my way. Again, I decided to hang-back, especially as she’d recently been hurt **very** badly by a man. Strangely it was this behaviour that brought her in my direction; I wasn’t persuing her, being mindful of her feelings, but she later told me (after we were engaged) that the “mystery man” I appeared to be was what intrigued her.
So, to conclude for your encouragement, don’t worry if you are one of those shy girls – the ‘hang back’ routine can work for girls too. Gentlemen can sometimes (quite often in fact) be intrigued by the “mystery girl” who also tends to “hang-back”.
I hope this will give YOU hope…
Gentleman
Gentleman,
Thanks for writing this; I am the shy, “hang back” girl 100%. What you said really did give me more hope (not that I was worried!). Thanks!
I have to add my two cents on the parents issue. I don’t belong to my dad, and I am adult who makes my own decisions. I always consider his opinion, but he would never command me to do anything, now that I’m 25. And Mom wants me to be an independent and self-sufficient woman who may get married someday but does not have to rely on a man to pay the bills, take care of the house, and go to work. I respect my parents, but I make my own rules for myself now. I submit to no one but God, and even then, I can’t remember the last time he actually told me flat out to do something or not to do it. My common sense has served me pretty well.