Apr 21 2009
How Do You Catch His Attention? part 4
…continued from part 3
Finally, if you find that you’re still a bit lost in the woods, here’s a testimony from a man who married his wife after she spent a few years patiently and joyfully “cracking twigs and stirring leaves.” I think the reflections of my friend, Rob McMillen, will be encouraging to many women:
From the time I graduated high school until the time I asked my wife into a courtship when I was 37 (20 years!), I was faithfully praying to God for a wife and pursuing the women that God had placed in my life. Now some may say that I was deaf and blind because in 20 years I should have heard some “cracking and rustling,” but God had Kelly planned for me and I did not meet her until I was 34. It was not that she was a better rustler than all of the other women I knew or more godly, but she was God’s sovereign choice for me. My wife is a great example of a woman who “cracked twigs.” Here are some of the things that she did:
- She prayed for a husband in general, she prayed for me to find a wife (even if it was not her!), and she prayed that God would open a way for us to be husband and wife.
- She positioned herself to be in the same places I was, but naturally. Places like our small group, church, group outings, etc.
- Whenever we spoke, she listened and responded to whatever the topic was with a genuine interest, even though the topic may not have been her “thing.”
- She was an encourager. I can think back to time after time where she expressed an appreciation for how I or another guy led in some small way. It really gave me a sense that she respected leadership even by a sinner like me.
- She and her roommate had people over for dinners, movies, and other events. They practiced biblical hospitality and gained skills in tasks that would be a part of married life.
- She was generally warm, friendly, and open. She smiled. She asked for prayer when she was struggling and genuinely asked others how she could pray for them.
I think the key thing that I would say is that she responded this way to most, if not all, of the men she interacted with because it is a picture of a godly woman. What made it different in my case is that she positioned herself to do these more in my presence than with any other man and God opened the door to our hearts.
I trust these insights will be received as intended—with much encouragement for the Christian single women of this generation who live as salt and light in an era of great relationship confusion. We serve the Lord of the hunting grounds. May we “crack, stir, and rustle” for His glory, trusting that He will provide all that we need!
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Carolyn McCulley works for Sovereign Grace Ministries in church and ministry relations. She is also an author (Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?: Trusting God with a Hope Deferred
and Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World ) I have read, and recommend both, particularly the latter. Carolyn is also a member of Covenant Life Church where one of her favorite ministries is the single women’s discipleship program.
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[...] How Do You Catch His Attention? part 4 [...]
I have really enjoyed this series!
Thanks so much for this series, it has been very interesting and encouraging!
Excellent series! Again, for whatever it’s worth — probably not much, especially after taking inflation into account — I totally agree with all of this, from a guy’s perspective.
Sovereign Grace Ministries is a fantastic organization. CJ Mahaney is one of my very favorite preachers, and his book on Humility deeply affected me and inspired me. And Joshua Harris is no slouch either! Thanks for your service there, and your efforts here.
ditto to support of Sovereign Grace, C.J. has been an incredible blessing to our network of churches. Josh Harris’ father, Gregg Harris, is one of our founding elders; we are grateful for their passion for the gospel.
Are you familiar with the Resolved conference in Southern California in mid-June? CJ is one of the featured speakers, and there are free audio downloads of past sermons available on the website (http://www.resolved.org). It’s an amazing conference, I’d recommend it to anyone.
Not sure if this is the last piece in the series, but it’s a fitting end. Congratulations to the gentleman noted above who found his wife after a long, patient 20 years. Sounds like they were meant to be together…even though I’m not as strongly religious as many of you on here, I still feel like my wife & I were meant to be in some divine way, as we simply have that “thing” that takes us to a higher place, instead of being unsuitable for each other and getting together over silly things like musical taste and bar-room chat.
This series was great. I am going to college next fall, and I will not be doing any courting yet, but I liked reading this. It’s nice that there are some women in the world that will try to attract guys in a Biblical manner, instead of the worlds ways of pure sensual methods. I agree with everything in these posts. My not to girls/women out there who are “crackling” leaves is connect to God and grow in Him. If you do this, you will develop into the kind of female that a man can approach. And also, guys are shy( exhitibt A:me) so be patient.
This has been a good series. I had a long, sad season of singleness before marriage. I can see now some of the reasons for the wait–in the end, everything happened right on God’s timing. Part of it was that I had to ask God to take some hunter’s earplugs out.