May 05 2009
How to Be a Lady
When I was shopping yesterday I ran across several young women that looked like they could be something out of Jungle book. Amazon women, yet shorter; we’re talking gals that look they could pick me up and throw me across the parking lot.
Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy strong women (you’re talking to a Krav Maga addict here); but I LOVE strong women that revel in their femininity. Don’t feel like you have to compete with men.
We aren’t Tarzan. We’re Jane.
How do I become more ladylike? What are some practical tips to demonstrate to the world that I am a woman?
Don’t:
Don’t laugh at crude jokes: If one of your guy friends starts telling a story that is clearly heading into the “awkward” or inappropriate category, chuckling along is not helping him become a godly leader. If you don’t send signals that you are a lady, and a woman of purity, men (and our culture at large) will see you only as “another one of the guys”.
Don’t sit in their laps: I’ve seen this. There is nothing more distasteful than to see a young woman, draped all over a young man. Call me prudish, but that is NOT PROPER.
Don’t interrupt Few things are more disrespectful and communicate discourtesty than cutting in on someone’s sentance. Most people, guys in particular, find this unattractive and unbefitting a lady.
Don’t be a gum-chewer There are exceptions to every rule (particularly when you are falling asleep during the sermon) but even the most femininely dressed woman can ruin her appearance with all that jaw-jiggling.
Do:
Annihiliate loud, obnoxious behavior For some of us, this is a real challenge. It’s easy to forget that perhaps the person 10 tables over doesn’t need to hear your hilarious story about the waiter serenading you. (::gulp:: yea, this was personal experience) Seriously, it’s time for us to zip our lips and cultivate that “gentle and quiet spirit” 
Keep knees and ankles together Such a trivial thing can have profound impacts on your “visual” ladylikeness. Sitting Indian style is simply not as graceful as keeping you knees and ankles together. This takes practice, so get on it.
Exhibit Courteous Table Manners Smacking your lips, picking your teeth, licking your knife, reaching over someone else’s plate , (or worse) talking with your mouth full, were put on your Mothers “No-No” list for a reason. Yick and Yuck.
Accept an Offered Seat “When girls refuse the seat I offered to them it’s really humiliating, I’d much rather have them sit there”, said one of the men of my circle. Furthermore, it makes them more reticent to proffer their seats in the future. You aren’t doing anyone a favor by quipping back “Thanks, I’m just fine on the floor!” Cute? Maybe. Courteous? No.
Look at the Person Have you ever been in conversation where the other individual is looking around at everything but you? Most do it absent-mindedly, but giving people your full attention and eye-contact is the mark of a gracious listener.
Thank the Guys Express your gratitude when a gentleman goes out of his way to offer service. Cheer them on when they open your door or carry your groceries!
Do you have any other tips or suggestions that should be added to this list?
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I love this!! I wish more girls were taught these things growing up.
BTW, do you actually do Krav Maga? I’ve always thought that looked fun.
Hi Christa!
Great post!
I love the “We’re not Tarzan, we’re Jane.” 
Thank you for your insight and tips! 
Blessings,
Julia
This is a fantastic post! I own a copy of the book How To Be a Lady by Candace Simpson-Giles, it is a small hardcover book that has manors and etiquette in concise easy to find sections, I highly recommend it (although there are a couple of sections that are not geared toward the Christian woman, it still has great advice).
One I would like to add is not to use your cell phone when someone may need to talk to you (restaurant table, grocery store checkout, being helped by a sales associate, etc.) this is extremely rude and frustrating to the person who is trying to communicate with you.
Sarah, you are absolutely right! I have worked in customer service for years and it drives me crazy to have someone talking on the phone when I’m trying to provide them good service. The message it sends is that you’re not important enough for them to bother getting off the phone. It’s very inconsiderate!
At the very least when a call comes through that you really need to answer, at least say, “would you excuse me please while I take this call?” It’s best not to answer if you don’t really need to..but that is still a more polite way to handle it. That should even go for texting…I strongly dislike it when a person I am trying to talk to is constantly looking down at their cell phone, watching for a text or sending one. You raised a goof point Sarah.
When I saw the picture and read the introduction I was in stitches. I love it and it is very true. As I write this I am constantly trying to remember not to cross legs but instead feet and angles together.
The only one I would add to the list is to remember good posture.
Thanks for a great post. I can’t remember where I got your link from or when I started following what you write, and I don’t read everything, but as a mom of 4 young girls, I really appreciate this post!
I can’t think of a suggestion right off.
Practicing keeping knees and ankles together.
Great post! Like Holly, I’ve been trying to teach myself to cross my ankles instead of my legs, because it’s more feminine and ladylike.
I love the first suggestion about laughing at crude jokes. And to the men- when you see a a lady in this situation, it’s such a blessing when you help us out.
I was at Chili’s with my tenth grade class (last year) and one of the guys I was with started telling a nasty joke. I didn’t know, but another guy friend had heard the joke before, so he told me to close my ears and reprimanded the guys for telling it in the presence of a woman. They still told the joke, but I was happy not to have heard it and thankful to him for protecting the purity of my mind.
Just thought I’d share that!
The way a woman dresses can make a HUGE difference in how they are perceived! I shudder when I go to the store and see so many young girls dressed either like they’re “for sale,” or “another one of the boys”…
Here’s a hint, girls:
If people can see more than 1/2 of your thigh, those stopped being shorts and have become “too shorts.”
…and if we can see more than 3/4’s of your thigh, they’ve crossed the line into “dishrags have more fabric” territory.
Bikinis do not make you look sexy, they just make it look like you enjoy getting skin cancer.
If you can see more than 1-2 inches of cleavage, the shirt is too low.
Double that if you’re smaller than a B-cup.
And triple if you’re A-cup. Do you think you’re fooling anyone with that push-up bra?!
Pectoral regions should only defy so much gravity. Face it, if you’re a DD-cup you’re NOT going to be “perky” without looking…conspicuously engineered.
No-one cares about your tongue, lip, nose, or any other facial piercings.
No-one wants to see your belly button, pierced OR unpierced.
No-one wants to see any other piercings protruding through your shirt.
…Or any other item of clothing, either.
Dressing like a lumberjack is not cute.
Dressing like a biker is not cute either.
Bald scalps and buzz cuts are best left to those with a Y chromosome. (And mullets can just die in obscurity, thanks…)
As for mohawks, spikes, and unnatural hair colors? You’re a woman, not a tropical fish.
No-one wants to see the color of your underclothes. This means panties AND bras.
No-one wants to SEE your underclothes, for that matter.
…or that you DON’T have on underclothes.
Armpit hair is not something that needs to be made public.
If you have ripped clothes or holes in your jeans, I will assume you have been mauled by an animal and call 911.
If the bulk of your clothes are held together by safety pins, you’re just asking to get poked.
Big shiny chains are best left on your snow tires.
Gold grills and bling are best left in the pawn shop display.
A diamond might be a girl’s best friend…but it’s also a mugger’s best friend, too. The thief holding you up at gunpoint isn’t going to question whether it’s cubic zirconium or genuine deBeer’s until after he’s snatched it from your finger.
I’m thinking of writing these up as a set of guidelines for my daughter, for when she gets older. I have plenty of time, I mean, she’s only 4 months old…but who knows how nasty things will be by the time she reaches puberty? I pray that the Holy Spirit moves her to Christian modesty and purity at an early age!
–Denita
I enjoyed this. I laughed at this one, “Bikinis do not make you look sexy, they just make it look like you enjoy getting skin cancer.”
I enjoyed reading this one. Good one Denita
As for mohawks, spikes, and unnatural hair colors? You’re a woman, not a tropical fish.
Hi, erm, since when are diamonds considered immodest? Should I not wear my wedding band in public since it has diamonds?
Really?
No one said diamonds are immodest, I think we’d all agree that is slightly ridiculous.
I totally agree with Denita, but we need to be very careful not to offend people with our aims towards modesty, and in so doing harm the gospel. I have learnt this the hard way. We need to remember that modesty and femininity go along with gentle and quiet spirits, and so we need to lovingly rebuke those who need it. Do not insult them or their dress style, even if it is promiscuous or masculine. There are very often deep psychological reason why woman dress the way they do, and they need our love and Christlike witness more than being beaten with the modest-stick. This said, I want to affirm that its important for us to share the vision of modest dress with women everywhere… In a loving way. Keep up the awesome work, Christa.
God bless.
Dear Denita,
Just some loving food for thought. It’s very easy to be critical of what we don’t understand. I have been much that way at times. Fortunately, God has a sense of humor and has had me in a teaching position for a ladies class for a little over a decade. Their ages range from 18 to 55. Through the years (50+) I’ve learned that God doesn’t always judge as we do. Yes, there is a standard, but because of sin, no one gets there. We all suffer with sin, we just suffer with different sins. For some it’s purity. For others it’s pride. I would love for the ladies of the world to conform to your list, but life is not that simple. For example, one of the ladies in my class is in a Christian motorcyclist group with her husband. They wear black leather and occasionally miss church to go on rides where they will be with other christian bikers ministering to a very scary section of the population. They have strong testimonies and see God’s hand at work. It’s not my thing, but I’m not the judge. What I’m trying to say is to please remember that the goal is love and to glorify God. We call sin sin, but we do it out of love and a sincere desire for growth in Jesus and godliness in our daily walk. We do it because we understand that sin destroys. Satan would love to take our good intentions, take the love out of them and leave us clanging cymbals. Please be careful. External statements can be a result of great pain. It’s not always just rebellion. Sometimes it’s just a cover for a wound. Sorry this was so long. Thanks for caring. Keep growing. We’re all there with you trying to figure it out.
Humbly,
Rhonda
Umm don’t get me wrong most of these are immodest…but isn’t this just a little judgmental and harsh?
Um….. the shirt is only too low when you can see MORE than 1-2 inches of cleavage?? You shouldn’t wear a neckline that exposes any cleavage… even when you bend over.
I second that!
agreed!!!
Hear, hear!
Oh my goodness. I stumbled upon this site by accident, and am rather stunned as I sit here reading. I am not an active Christian, but am a strong, kind, generous, motivated and independent woman. I am appalled at the recommendations you are making for young women to follow. The rules and regulations you declare for woman to become more “ladylike” are like a handbook for the oppressed second sex to remain so. It sounds to me as though you subordinate yourselves daily to the expectations and desires of both men, and someone you call God, to the detriment of your own spirit, health and independence. Piercings, body hair, choice of clothing, and display of sexuality are personal choices which belong to each of us individually, and SHOULD NOT be regulated by others. It is our ability to make these choices for ourselves which empowers us as women and people; being bullied into dressing a certain way, or suppressing a desire to dress a different way, is such a horrific, barbaric state to be living in, that I am appalled for you women who believe that the amount of cleavage you are showing or the number of piercings you sport defines your “modesty” or “purity” which, I assume, doubles for “piety.” Please, set yourselves free, and join the 21st century.
Hi Jennifer,
I wish we could have coffee in person. I have some dear friends who share the same opinion as yourself, and though we disagree, we are, believe it or not, still good friends. I understand your concerns for oppressed women, and would like to converse on the subject in person.
To begin, I don’t believe we are the second sex, nor are we oppressed. It seems fairly clear that women have been raised to a position of power, influence and leadership like never before. But as women have progressed into further leadership I believe they may have undermined or undervalued one aspect of their womanhood that is precious indeed.
With the dawn of third wave Feminism leading to the sexual revolution, women are sexually and socially aggressive. And while some may tout that this is a sweet blossom of their new liberated selves, I would disagree. The flower is poisoned, and the danger is not immediately evident. But as the rising tide of women across America are seeing, true fulfillment is found in more than just high-paying jobs and titles, it is found in something that was almost shoved aside, left forgotten. Their femininity.
Women have come to me repeatedly and over and over again repeated the same refrain: “Don’t let others dictate your behavior, stop being so close-minded- ditch the confines of your wee little perspective and be independent!”
Well, I would like to know- What’s so wrong with expressing my independence by good carriage and posture? For wanting to be modest, for wanting to show respect for our bodies by showing some restraint and keeping our knees and ankles together?
Why am I called suppressed or living in a “barbaric state” when I enjoy behaving in a way that makes me feel like a lady?
If the goal is empowerment, why can we be “empowered” in every way EXCEPT the one discussed above?
We see it not as our oppression, but as our glory.
And furthermore, it works.
So, I understand that culturally armpit hair is not acceptable, but seriously, why is that? I’m not saying you shouldn’t shave it (I certainly do), but God created us with pit hair, so why do we seem to think it’s so disgusting and “un-ladylike”?
And thinking diamonds are un-ladylike is really quite ridiculous.
The shaving trend is really a Stateside phenomena. European ladies frequently go unshaved, so this is more of a US tradition. It started back in the 50s actuallly, when sleeveless dresses came in vogue. When women began showing more skin (i.e. arms/ shoulders) the beauty industry capitalized on the issue and created a new market for razors/shaving products.
Sounds silly doesn’t it? Now not-shaving is akin to bad hygiene.
It wasn’t always that way.
-CT
P.s. ditto on the diamonds point.
Very true, I was thinking about the same thing recently. Thanks for the reminders to
always be feminine.
I love this post!! To the part about crass jokes, I would also add that bad language in general is not ladylike.
I met one woman who just exuded feminity. (Well, actually I have met several since then. What they all had in common was that they were warm, gracious, and friendly and dressed femininely.) In this one instance I was trying to sell this lady tickets to a university concert and everything that could go wrong with the computer did. The lady did not used bad language when the situation was frustrating. She was very patient and gracious toward me. I had a lot of respect for her and never forgot her. (In contrast, a different woman mumbled nasty words under her breath when the seats she wanted were not available.)
I think men will really respect a woman who chooses her words wisely and carefully when she is frustrated, rather than resorting to cuss words. As a girl I made the decision to not use cuss words (especially because it doesn’t honor God) and I definitely notice a difference in how guys treat me as opposed to girls I go to school with who cuss.
This article isn’t really related to this topic–it would probably fit better under the “How to Be the Perfect Big Sister” post, but when I found it I thought the sisters out there might enjoy it. The article is called “Having a sister makes you happier and more optimistic, say psychologists”:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/5089197/Having-a-sister-makes-you-happier-and-more-optimistic-say-psychologists.html
Enjoy!
So true!
I knew some girls, who upon closer aquaintance I found to my dismay, they seemed to think slang, (VERY slang, not just cute figures of speech) and close-to cuss words were somehow attractive. NOT. It was really quite awful to see such ladylike looking girls using that language, and it was especially embarrassing in mixed groups. You could see the guys get a vaguely surprised look, flush a little, and then they would look away, abashed in the presence of these loose talking girls.
This has really taught me to watch my words even more closely!
Ahhhhhhh!!! A breath of fresh air; so happy was I to read this!! I was one of those “just one of the guys”, and it is no fun! In fact I made SO MANY of these same mistakes! EEK! Thank God for His grace. I finally got through that awkward stage. All of these were very good suggestions, and I can’t say a heartier ‘amen!’ to Don’t Sit On Guys’ Laps! And as a mother of young girls now, as I observe young women, I would urge you – please – don’t hang all over guys. Not just sitting on their laps, but sitting so close you could be siamese twins! Nothing is more distracting in church than a young couple in front of me standing with their arms draped around each other and hands in each other’s back pockets. I learned a good rule of thumb for this in school so many years ago – keep a Bible’s width between you!
What drives me crazy about the whole girls draping themselves across guys is that they think it’s harmless! They say, “Oh, we’re just friends.” Well, you don’t see me hanging all over my friend’s husbands and saying, “But we’re just friends,” even if we are. Doesn’t work that way.
amen!
I love this post, Christa!! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom – as a homeschooler who goes part time to a local community college, I’m experiencing as “firsts” many of the situations you described above.
I have a question, kind of as a follow up to the crude joking issue… do you have any advice for a young woman when she gets stuck in a situation where people are telling nasty stories? I’m not typically an angry person, but I kind of simmer in rage and think up all kinds of retorts about how *real* gentlemen don’t speak like that in front of women… lol, but that’s not very Christian. There’s always that glare, too, that I could pull out…
Haha, advice from any of you who have been in similar situations would be very appreciated!!
Some thoughts I have:
- You could leave the room.
- You could say, “I’m sorry, but I am not going to participate in this conversation unless the stories stop.”
- You could also try getting a new group of people to hang out with.
Dear Rebecca,
Often we prove ourselves to be truly a lady by gracefully extricating ourselves from awkward situations.
There will be a moment of undeniable discomfort when you make a stand, but it is worth it in the end.
So, he’s (or she, for that matter) are in the middle of a very crass story, What do you do?
1)Flee
Leave the conversation mid-sentance. If it’s a lady : “Sorry to interrupt, but I need to go run and check my class schedule” or “Can we finish this story later, I need to run to…”
If it’s a guy: “oops, gotta run, catch you guys later”,
- These can all be said in a lighthearted manner, easing your “departure”. I’ve used them before, when I’m not quite prepared to tackle the underlying issues or you don’t know the individuals well.
2)Face it head-on: Interrupt.
“Is this story appropriate?” “Thanks, but I don’t think I want to hear this story”, “That’s not funny”, “Joe, that’s disgusting, and I don’t find it humorous”.
3) Use your facial expressions.
Actions speak louder than words. Raise your eyebrows, look concerned. You get the idea.
You are a lady, expect to be treated as one.
4)Change the subject. Sometimes the topic of conversation can be simply crass, and you can graciously divert it to a new channel.
Thanks Christa – that was very helpful
I am not a confrontational person; therefore I usually use the expression route, like Christa suggested. They get the idea, and it’s a great way of telling them, “I don’t like this. Act like a gentleman and treat me like a lady.” Calm, cool and collected!
Propriety is such a lost art. Thank you for your inspiration to bring it back.
I also own “How To Be a Lady” by Candace Simpson-Giles and would highly recommend it! Very informative on areas we may not think much about when trying to be ladies.
One thing that is extremely annoying to me (and I’m sure many others) is when I am with a friend or at a birthday party and the person I am with is texting or just having a casual conversation on their cell!! It is so rude to be with someone or when you’re trying to speak with them and they are hunched over texting away . . . I wouldn’t mind so much if they asked if it was alright to reply to a message someone sent them or tell me they’re supposed to call their mom or something. It’s the fact that they’re basically having a conversation with three other people while supposedly spending quality time with me. Does anyone else feel the same way?
I think a lady ought to be comfortable enough to wait and reply to any messages she has until a later time unless they are important (and I’m not talking about, “Jo just said we should get together some time!!!! ugh.)
I think this quote sums up being a lady very well:
“A ’sure enough’ lady doesn’t pretend to be,
she is. The lady heart comes first.” -H.B. Wright
Thanks for another great post, Christa! I especially appreciate the reminder to accept and appreciate men’s actions of gentlemanliness. I know one man who is so discouraged by women’s rebuttals to his acts of kindness that he decided not to do things like open doors for women anymore.
On a side note, it seems that recently the text of your post and comments has changed to an extremely small font size. I have perfect vision, but I am having trouble reading your site now. Maybe it’s just a problem on my end, but I thought I’d give you that feedback in case you didn’t know.
God bless, and keep up the good work!
Lauren, it’s probably a quirk with your keyboard. Try pressing Ctrl and the + symbol simultaneously and see if it enlarges.
I think our body language can play a BIG part in lady-likeness. Just making large movements and flailing our limbs around like we’re some kind of wind mill looks dominating and un-feminine. I’ve noticed this especially with taller women/girls who have longer arms and legs. It’s good to develop that “vulnerable” quality.
Why and in what way(s) is it good to develop a “vulnerable quality”?
A lot of these are true. I’m not a big fan of a girl sitting in a guy friend’s lap, either!
But I think we need to be careful to always give freedom in certain areas that aren’t written “rules.” Propriety (lap sitting) and personal preference might be different things. Some guys really do not mind gum chewing and ripped jeans- they might even find those cute (personal preference, not propriety). Those kind of things depend on the guy. I’d never encourage a woman to dress like a man, but there are some girly jeans with holes in them, and I quite frankly like chewing gum. Let’s not box ourselves in! When we start creating rules for others, we get into dangerous territory.
Just some well-meant thoughts…
Do you gals think I should add some of these additional guidelines to the actual post or leave them in the comment section?
(You ladies definitely picked up on a few I forgot, but I don’t want the list to get too verbose)
Ohhh, post them!
I would just leave them in the comments section. Great post!
GREAT POST, Christa! I’m with you all the way on the table manners one – FAR too few people are educated in dining etiquette these days. Which is a shame because it’s so simple. No one cares if you know the difference between a shrimp fork and a pickle fork; everyone cares if you chew your food like a wildebeest!
I read a book once – the title escapes me – which held up Holly Golightly of Breakfast at Tiffany’s as an example of how one can use colorful language without cursing. She called mean people “rats” and “super rats.”
Speaking of rats, “Rats!” is my very favorite exclamation when something goes wrong. Nobody remembers girls who use more prurient words, but everyone remembers me as the girl who says “Rats!”
hey great post! I like the responses too, some good thoughts and encouragement!
Great post! I have to admit, I am guilty of some of these. Ever since I started reading this blog, I have been working on being more feminine. I went out and bought more skirts and more feminine clothing. The one about the crude jokes got me. I have always engaged in jokes and laughed with the guys. When I was little, I was known as the “tom-boy” with all of my guy friends. I was one of them. I wanted to be accepted by guys, so I just became one of them. It hurt me in the end, and let me tell you…I am GLAD God made me a woman. There is nothing more fun than dressing up
I just recently laughed at crude jokes…And from the response of one of my greatest guy friends, I knew it was wrong. He tried to stop the conversation, but I pushed forward. This is something that I have to work on. Thank you for posting this
-Victoria
Hi there! I’m so thrilled that folks got a laugh out of some of my comments…and I am honestly sorry if others thought they were judgmental, too…
Concerning diamonds–don’t get me wrong about them, it wasn’t necessarily having them at all that seems unladylike to me…it’s when someone has a gazillion of them hanging off everything, or is flaunting a big seven-carat rock that has little other purpose than to serve as bling. Our Christianity does not rest, to paraphrase the Apostle, in the external braiding of our hair or the wearing of bling or fancy clothing. And what I was really getting at is, when one wears all that gold and silver and bling, they make themselves a target for thieves.
As for people thinking I’m passing judgment upon others…I’m sorry if I came off that way. While I wasn’t trying to be judgmental, I will admit I was ranting at the current trends in fashion that either turn women into androgynous sideshow freaks, or so grossly exaggerate their feminine features as to make them look like rank whores. I’m talking push-up bras and shorts that expose buttocks, plunging necklines, swimsuits with extravagant price tags and a dearth of fabric… Women don’t wear that kind of clothing to be “quiet and mild in spirit,” they wear them to be loud and to gather attention, to scream at the world with their bodies and their sexualities. They wear their promiscuity on their sleeves along with their hearts. Otherwise they wouldn’t invite others to read the word “Cutie Pie” emblazoned in red across the buttocks of their itsy-bitsy boxers as they prance through the department store.
I used to work at the local Wal-Mart, and I would see this all the time. There is a regular customer at the store–I still see her, too!–with magenta spiked hair, ripped black too-shorts, torn fishnet hose, four-inch stiletto heels, spaghetti-strap tank tops, heavily tattoed, lots of chains and spiked collars, several facial piercings….
…and she gets AARP discounts. SHE IS A SENIOR CITIZEN.
Is this woman quiet and mild in spirit? Does she value her femininity? (For that matter, does she seem to honor her advanced age and the station it provides…?) What would you think if you saw her? Would you, upon seeing her, not need to beg your Father for help in resisting the urge to cast judgment upon her?
Why cause others TO judge you?! Why, in your dress and behavior, make yourself out to be one thing (quasi-masculine, or a prostitute) while claiming you’re another in reality? And if these women dress like a man or a whore, why are they so surprised when people treat them like one?
I used to dress all slutty and had fun toying with men’s appetites. I used to play that game, and it’s only the Grace of God Himself that kept me from ending up dead, terminally ill, or in prison. Now I look back at pictures of myself from that era, and I don’t see a lady there, not at all.
So seeing others dressed so provocatively, or in ways that do no honor to their gender and their sexuality, really bothers me now. If this is considered passing judgment upon others, then maybe I need to go back and re-read the definition of the word. But it does no woman any good to dress in these ways, and then to expect others not to judge them. Maybe not Christians, but there are plenty of others in the world that will. And they will act accordingly.
–Denita
Agreed, with everything you said. And I honestly thought that you were referring to “bling” in your OP but I just needed clarification.
Denita,
I must say that while I found most of your recent rant amusing, one thing pretty much offended me. The comment about how us large breasted women aren’t fooling anyone when we try to look perky. Well, dear, I’ve had two children and have just started to wean my second child from the breast and they are HUGE. Size E/DD to be exact. Yes, I wear push up bras, because if I don’t they end up at the crook of my elbows, which I hate. It makes me feel old and fat and hideously unattractive. So I wear those bras to make me feel good about myself and not so disgusting that I should stay inside under a sheet! I’m 32 years old and don’t want to look like a 66 year old… and there’s NOTHING wrong with that. I want to look my age, not younger and not older.
Also, as an aside, just because someone is a non-Christian does not mean that they are a predator, sexual or otherwise, as your last paragraph in this post seems to state.
Thank you for your time and I now return you to your regularly scheduled programing.
I really liked this, Christa. Some really good tips. I think it’s refreshing to hear this for all of us. However, I’m not sure if you realized it, but the pictures that were chosen for this particular blog were a little too risque for my taste. When it’s mentioned that ladies should never sit upon a guy’s lap, unfortunately, the girl in the picture was sitting in a guy’s lap. The blog itself had some very good points, I only would like to mention that the pictures chosen, perhaps, more modestly dressed women would be more appropriate? =) Great points, though! =)
You know, you’re probably totally right. The only reason I picked these was because they are classic pictures of Tarzan- showing the contrast between him and Jane.
Writing in from the male perspective, these are all things I wish were taught more; it’s almost as if modern mothers are afraid to teach their daughters about femininity because they probably fear their daughters will go in the complete opposite direction once exposed to the modern ideas of relationships, so why bother? But trust me, these things ARE valued from men who value traditional…values
Seriously though, men should be taught just as much to be the “aggressors”, just as much that women are taught polite ways to either deter an aggressor that is unwanted or ways to accept the “aggression” in a nicely feminine way. Sadly, none of this goes unsaid anymore…but glad this blog exists and that many women out there agree!
I really appreciate your comment. I like the word “assertive” better than “aggressive” though. The thought of an aggressive male makes me a little nervous…I’ve been there! Assertive, yes, aggressive….no thanks. I’ll take it in faith that that’s what you meant as they are very similar words.
And what you said is so true. Girls need to learn to be nice. It’s no wonder that guys are afraid to be the pursuers anymore with the way they are rejected these days. Catty talk and gossiping are not ladylike. We can say no without being mean.
Hi Christa
just wanted to add another perspective:)
These tips dont always apply to every culture, I know some cultures where it is not considered unfeminine to snort loudly and obnoxiously in public!! In other cultures it is considered extremely rude for a woman to make eye contact with a man who is speaking to her. In other cultures woman aren’t even allowed to sit on a chair! there proper place is on the ground. Just some random points of interest about other cultures but thanks for the good tips which apply to my culture and yours
Thanks Jube jube! Definitely need to keep in mind cultural differences.
I think this is a good post. I think ultimately acting like a lady is about respect, both for yourself and for others. I love the additions about cell phones in the comments, and honestly, I wish both men and women would exercise better manners with cell phones.
Some of the reader comments about dressing seem a little harsh. The way I dress tends to vary quite a bit by activity. If I’m going out with my husband for dinner, I’ll dress up (LOVE your clothes Christa), but ripped jeans and a t-shirt are great for puttering in the garden or cleaning.
Stephanie- Who at 8 1/2 months pregnant longingly awaits the day she can once again cross her ankles AND her knees.
Totally agree with you Stephanie:)
Well, when we’re talking about cultural differences, we always need to remember that culture is religion externalized. We might say, “Well, THESE people think that’s modest,” but our standard always needs to be the Bible, and IF that isn’t their standard, then what they consider modest oughtn’t to have any effect on what we consider modest.
Just a thought.
God bless,
Hannah
Thats very true our standard must always be the Bible!!
Growing up as a missionary kid in South Africa I have noticed though that the western culture is one of the most immodest in comparison to the African cultures here, and funnily enough the people here are not all christians ,yet because of their culture they are more modest than a lot of christians I know.
I like the idea that modesty (however you define it) is a must with a lady. But here’s a new take on it…it is not only respectful to yourself and the body that was given as a gift from God, but it shows respect for young men when girls dress modestly. There are good boys out there who don’t want to see all our feminity displayed. Some have gone so far as to say it’s a turn off when they realize that the world has seen what was intended for a husband’s eyes only. My husband is a religious educator and often receives comments from teen age boys about their increased respect for the girls who cover themselves. They see modesty as a sign of inner strength and confidence. These girls have a knowledge of their self-worth and don’t feel the need to show their bodies as a means drawing attention or approval. As a young girl I was swayed by all the media and my peers and was tempted to dress in a popular manner…sleevless, tight, short, etc. It was when I made the connection between revelaling clothing and the word “exploit” that I changed my mind. We have created a society wherein a young lady is constantly judged by her body image. Many girls who dress inappropriately do so only becuase they are unsure of themselves or perhaps they have had an unfortunate experience that has taught them to behave in this way, not to mention that we are constantly surrounded with the message that that is where our value lies. Some girls just haven’t been taught that they are worth more than that. We can help them by showing with gentle examples that we don’t judge them. When they see our confidence and self respecting behavior, they will have the support they need to change. When we dress (and behave) with modesty, we allow our inner selves to shine. We gain the respect of others, and gain self respect as well.
I love this! I’m a Christian girl and an athlete but I do struggle with appearing “lady-like” as in all those embarassing characteristics listed above. Your pinpoints will help me execute the process of accessing more of my femine side.
I liked what you said about the women who drape themselves across men. HAHAHA.
I also like the Tarzan analogy you gave
-Lissie
Hi Christa!
Fun post. One thing that would be good to add is that the way we respond to those who are lacking in social graces will tell a lot about our hearts. I’ve known some people who weren’t loved much at home and weren’t trained to be ladies or gentlemen in the slightest. They do the best they can, but they just have no clue. Most people snub them, thinking they’re too weird to associate with, or assume all kinds of things about their character without getting to know them. I think a true lady, a Christ-like lady, loves the “unlovable”, the ones that the world likes to laugh at, and will reach out to those who may be lacking in social graces, or who are just difficult to get to know/understand. This is a great way to show the love of Christ–to believers or unbelievers. The believers need to be warmly accepted in the body of Christ and discipled (lovingly encouraged to maturity–just as we need it!), and the unbelievers need to know Jesus!
I struggle with this, but I think it’s an important part of being a GODLY lady, not just a lady in appearance.
~Lauren