Empowered Traditionalist

guest post by Erin Straza from Filling My Patch of Sky

Recently, my grandmother purchased her first nonwhite bra. Ever. It was the wild color of . . . beige.

As my grandmother shared her mutinous experience, I thought of how different the world was when she was young. Those differences shaped her understanding of appropriate dress and behavior, providing rules and guidelines for femininity—just as today’s society has shaped ours.

But society’s vision for fashion and femininity is ever shifting. Sadly, women tend to race right after it.

We’ve seen major changes in the acceptance of everything from exposed skin and women’s roles in society to pant styles and crass attitudes and actions. Some rules ride the winds of consumerism—for example, fashion gurus urge us to once again embrace fringe and the patio dress. Some rules have withstood the winds yet remain questionable, such as if white shoes can be worn after Labor Day.

In eras past, norms led women to shun colorful undergarments; today, women shun modesty. And in other cultures, norms have led women to bind their feet or stretch their necks, all in the name of womanhood.

Some of these changes are rather harmless; but much of it is costly. And most tragic of all is that the world has the final say in defining feminine expression.

As Christian women, we face the dilemma of living out authentic femininity in a constantly changing world.

If only the solution was as clear as my grandmother’s white-only underwear rule! But God doesn’t make such determinations for us. God wants to teach us—not merely tell us—how to properly express our femininity.

We need God, the Author of femininity, to teach us what He meant it to be.

Although women express themselves through dress and demeanor, true femininity is woven into each woman’s heart and soul and being. It’s there in the secret place that our true womanhood is found.

The world’s pollutants have infiltrated us to the core though. We’ve willingly ingested its rules. But the apostle Paul said this to the Roman believers: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”

In countless ways, we have blindly and mindlessly conformed to the world.

With fashion and femininity, the times dictate what’s acceptable, and we too often play the lemming.

Thankfully, God rescues us from this madness that leads us over the cliff’s edge. By rejecting the world’s ideals and yielding to God’s transforming work, we can know God’s will for us: what is good and acceptable and perfect—even in femininity and fashion, even in today’s society, and regardless of what’s considered vogue.

We have new rules and new freedom.

My sister and I were inspired by my grandmother’s recent detachment from the world’s white undergarment standard. So we surprised her with a bright pink, rhinestone-accented bra. It’s a vivid reminder not to live by the world’s rules—for in radical relationship with God, we can live a truly free, authentic femininity designed by the Author Himself.

As you exchange conformity to the world for conformity to Christ, you may be led to wear a more modest neckline or white shoes after Labor Day . . . or a rhinestone-accented pink bra. That’s the beauty of walking with God—you never know where He’ll lead you next.

So don’t be a fashion lemming; be a lemming for the Lord.
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Erin Straza is passionate about the wholeness and rest found in Christ alone. Drawing from her own brokenness and restoration, Erin offers women encouragement and insight from a fellow sojourner’s perspective on the mystery of God’s redemptive work. Erin and her husband, Mike, live in central Illinois, where she works as a freelance writer, copy editor, and speaker. To read more of her musings, visit her blog at erinstraza.wordpress.com

For some of you, this won’t ring any bells. For others of you, it will be a resounding siren, ringing lots of bells.
You are familiar with the man ache, the restless longing to belong to someone, to feel cherished by one man who can warm you with his stability and protection. You have wrestled many a time with your own fears, and ended up drowning it out by watching Jane Auston repeats.

I wish I could say I was strong, and confident in the Lord 100% of the time, but that definitely isn’t true.
This feeling is familiar to me as well.

But we really aren’t longing for a man at all. We’re longing for home.
Not the home where you sleep at night, but the place that you were made for. No amount of chic cafe visits, no parties, no level of financial independence, cool friends, positive self-talk or even the “dream guy” will satisfy this ache.

If chick flicks and chocolate isn’t the answer- is there another option?

As Connally Gilliam writes, in her book Revelations of a Single Woman

There is another alternative, It is not an easy alternative, but it’s straightforward enough. It is to simply let the ache work on use, shape us, and thereby do its job. When we let the ache become a part of our story and not something to be conquered through striving or numbed by our narcotic of choice, it can serve us well. It can propel us forward, paradoxically, in life-giving-even joy-giving-ways. It can remind us that we are made for something more-that this life is not all it was intended to be- and it’s good to want more. It can remind us that our longing for intimacy, connection, and home is real; it’s a party of our DNA, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It can prompt us to look at our lives honestly and face current realities head-on. But most of all, if we can “walk with the ache, even when it hurts,” as my friend Caroline likes to say, something amazing can occur.

. It is in the asking, in midst of the fearful place, where we have a chance to believe and discover that some kind of home is out there, and it can be found by anyone, starting now…
So for now, I recognize my homesickness as something through which God is going to walk with me, in ways I think will surprise me for the good. And when the ache is too much-when I just have to plop down on the floor and burst out crying-I’ll again get his help to keep walking, realizing that homesickness is simply a reminder. My longings are in line with my design; I’m created for the secure joys of coming home…
Jesus has gone on ahead to get the house ready for you, me and a slew of other unknown-to-me people to come home. Maybe it’s a strange concept to some folks, but something about this party grows increasingly amazing to me the more I travel. In the last book of the Bible, this homecoming is compared to a wedding and reception of celestial proportions. It’s the marriage of Jesus and his people.

It’s time to see our longing for what they truly are, redirect them to our heavenly home. Even if we never get married on this earth, we will someday. There will be a wedding.
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Many thanks to my cousin Heidi who graciously typed up several pages from the book as an encouragement to me a few days back.

-From author Donald Whitney

Many of us struggle to make conversation or activities fun and profitable Christmas day. Particularly when we are visiting with family or friends we haven’t seen in ages and have little in common.
Here are 10 questions that will be sure to kindle a conversation. It’s ok to be yourself and share about your faith, regardless if your family are believers or not.

1. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you since last Christmas?
2. What was your best Christmas ever? Why?
3. What’s the most meaningful Christmas gift you’ve ever received?
4. What was the most appreciated Christmas gift you’ve ever given?
5. What was your favorite Christmas tradition as a child?
6. What is your favorite Christmas tradition now?
7. What do you do to try to keep Christ in Christmas?
8. Why do you think people started celebrating the birth of Jesus?
9. Do you think the birth of Jesus deserves such a nearly worldwide celebration?
10. Why do you think Jesus came to earth?

My sister, sent me this fun idea to keep Christ in Christmas day celebrations.

One idea we’ve used in our home with extended family who are not believers is a Christmas Scavenger Hunt. I make a list of clues and teams of two or three have to not only answer the question, but find the item in the house somewhere. Some examples of questions: What has wings, but doesn’t build a nest? (Angel) What is crooked and sweet and only available at Christmas? (Candy Cane) What guided three men to a little town? (Star). Everyone gathers with their answers (the first team to finish gets a small prize) and then we tell the meaning behind the symbol and why it is significant to the birth of Christ. Everyone usually enjoys the friendly competition and they also hear about the true meaning of Christmas in a friendly way.

Do you have any fun Christmas traditions that you would like to share?

continued from part 2
Third wave: Women can be predators
For a time, all was quiet on the feminist front; at least, relatively. But as the children of second wave feminists literally became of age (1990s) they decided- “nope, we’re not going to let men objectify us- we’re going to objectify ourselves!” (Thus proving the adage, “what you do in moderation your children will take to excess.”) Porn-positive feminism was popularized, and we ended up with Girls Gone Wild, where young women do unmentionable things for the benefit of the TV camera. Women studies classes across the nation proclaimed, you have the right to be sexual beings- however and whenever you feel like it. Women should be able to be as free as men are with regard to sexuality. We should experiment. Be a predator!

I do not exaggerate.

This is what is known as the raunch culture. Immodesty, aggressive, gun-toting, butt-kicking, trash-talking tomb-raiders, Sex and the City, Bratz dolls- these are all examples of feminist images today.

We are inundated in feminist philosophy.

So What do we do?

…Feminism: The Hope coming soon.

Merry Christmas Ladies!

I am writing an article for upcoming publication entitled “The Secret to being a Lady in a feminist world”.

What are some ways you have experienced, practical and spiritual, that help you to be feminine, or ladylike?

(e.g Wearing a skirt, accepting help, )

Have you experienced a negative or positive reaction to your efforts?

List any thoughts below, and I will include some of your thoughts in the article.

Thanks!

continued from part 1.
The Second Wave –Get to Work!

Simone De Beauvoir (si- mone – day- boo-vwah), lifelong partner to French Philosopher Jean Paul Sartre, broke the silence with her book Le Deuxieme Sexe (The Second Sex). Her book was introduced in America in 1953, and highly influenced the thinking and work of American author, Betty Friedan.
The crux of her message was that women were assigned a “second class” citizenship and were forced to conform to a mold that men had created for their own comfort. Friedan later translated this idea as “The Feminine Mystique” and expanded on it in her book of the same title. Friedan spoke of feelings of “dissatisfaction”, “yearning”, “emptiness” and the “trapped housewife syndrome”. De Beauvoir and Friedan determined that the women of their day were looking for “something more than my husband and my children and my home.” * Women needed to take control, and define themselves and plan their own future. Thus began the attack on patriarchy, for if men were responsible for subjugating women, men must be deposed.

There method of approach was simple, and the results were devastatingly effective. They called it Consciousness Raising groups, a method modeled after the revolutionary tactics of Mao Se Tung. “Speak bitterness to recall bitterness. Speak pain to recall pain”
Women in groups of 7-12 were encouraged to meet together with an experienced member of the feminist movement and share personal hurt and anger. The CR groups encouraged women to adopt a new perspective on male/female relationships and roles. As more and more women were enlightened by the CR groups; they began to question the Judeo-Christian values and exchange them for a feminist worldview.
And like groups in the time of Mao Se Tung, the CR groups soon became a revolutionary political force spread across the US.

The second phase ended with women’s differences seen not as their weakness, but as proof of their superiority to men.

Women were empowered, free to define themselves, epitomized by Helen Reddy’s Grammy winning song “I am strong, I am invincible…I AM WOMAN!”
Birth control and Abortion were legalized and promoted, for women could not be expected to bear the burden of motherhood. Even this honored role was seen as oppressive and in need of reform.

Women actively pursued and succeeded in changing legislation and politics. “Equal pay for equal work” was the common mantra, and America saw changes in it’s language, workforce and family norms as women entered the workforce in droves. Even the church was not exempt from the Feminist philosophy. Seeing Scripture as inherently biased towards men, they rejected anything that didn’t agree with their woman-centered paradigm. As Women rejected the biblical understanding of womanhood, the inevitable followed. Families began to breakdown, divorce rates sky-rocketed, children were introduced to day care.

But women were liberated.
America had undergone a revolution that reverberated to the very fringes of society.

Part three coming soon…

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*The Feminist Mystique, Betty Friedan

I’m sitting at my desk, surrounded by books, stacked 3 or 4 volumes high. One is out of print, another published just a few months ago, authors from differing backgrounds and beliefs litter my workspace. Needless to say, I have been studying a lot.

With the help of several resources, I have attempted to compile a brief history of the Feminist movement since its inception. None of my writing is original thought, I stand squarely on the shoulders of those smarter and wiser than me- I just share what I’ve read.

What we need to understand, before we continue, is that Feminism is a distinct philosophy or belief. As Mary Kassian elucidates,

Feminism is an “ism” like atheism, humanism, Marxism, existentialism, post-modernism, and the “ism” indicates that we are dealing with a theory, a philosophical theory, a doctrine, a system of principles and ideas… It’s a distinct worldview with its very own thoughts, ideologies, values, ways of thinking…”

So when we study the history, we are looking at the history of this philosophy- and its metamorphosis.

From all accounts America has undergone 3 waves of Feminist thought.

The First Wave – Brains, not just bodies.
The first wave began in the 1700s with American Mary Wollstonecraft writing her Vindication of the Rights of Woman which gained prominence and later culminated in the Seneca Falls Convention of 1848. Here 100 American women (shows the power of 100 women) gathered to ratify the “Declaration of Sentiments”, drafted primarily by Elizabeth Cady Stanton. This document listed 15 grievances of women’s rights, and was later seen as the beginnings of what we call the suffrage movement.
Now we all appreciate our ability to vote and are grateful for the efforts of our fore-mothers; but as Carolyn McCulley points out,

“As important as it was to these early feminists to obtain the right to vote, two additional issues were just as significant: coverture* and the reform of Christianity.”

This lead to many helpful reforms, but intermixed with those needed social reforms was also a direct challenge to the church. Specifically, it’s governance, biblical teaching, interpretation of Scripture, and women’s role in the community.

The ratification of the 19th amendment brought the conclusion to the first wave. But while women suffrage and marriage laws had been reformed it soon became clear their was a more specific target in view.

part 2 coming Thursday…

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Mary Kassian, at the True Woman Conference 2008, also see her book: The Feminist Mistake
Carolyn McCulley, Radical Womanhood, 2008

From my new friend, and fellow blogger, Olivia Brodock

Be A Chef

If I cook great dishes, make them into literal works of art as I work them up in a commercial kitchen, and serve them to people I’ve never met, or will ever meet again, I am called a chef, an artist!

But, if I cook those same dishes for the ones I love most and I nourish my family in the realm of my fathers home, it is said that I am wasting my talent.

Be a CPA

If I go to school for years, become a CPA, and manage books for other people that I have absolutely no ties with; I’m a career woman, I’m independent, I am a woman of the twenty first century!!!!

But if I, after years of studying, keep my dad’s books, I am then wasting MY life, all that training down the drain!

Be a Childcare Professional

If I take care of a other people’s children, I become their nanny, I am then a childcare professional, I am valuable and important!!!

But, if I take care of and nurture children GOD gives me, then I am old-fashion. I am repressed by a sexist society of dominate males! I am told I am wasting my life!

Be a Cleaning Professional

If I care for rooms, homes or offices that belongs to strangers; I’m a housekeeper, a cleaning professional.

But, if I remove dust bunnies out of my own home and make it clean and orderly for my family; It is thought that I am a house wife and am wasting my life with coupons and soap operas! (who has time for soap operas???)

What is the difference between the examples above? Why is nanny-hood OK, but motherhood frowned upon? Why is professional respected and domestic criticized? Why is going through a secular college an assumed event in every high school graduate’s life, but simply learning at home and continuing education in many mediums highly disregarded?

Ironic isn’t it?

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It is our duty and delight to shine forth as examples of true-womanhood in action. Many of you are exemplary women who have utilized societies tools (college, career etc) to great advantage without being taken advantage of, or losing your foundation.

Any stories you care to share?

Coronet Magazine, circa 1950. I saw this and thought it was way to cute to pass up.
Courtesy of Betty Beguiles

1. Your voice must be gentle and warm, then he’ll want to listen to your expressive tones. And you’ll know the value of a soft whisper, but – most important – you’ll know when not to talk.

2. Your laugh….that special little chuckle which is all your own….the toss of your head as you laugh at his jokes….across a crowded room, your secret smile which takes him into your heart.

3. Your hair….blowing freely in the wind, tempting him to run his fingers through….even the little bit that stands straight up and defies attempts to tidy it – it’s endearing and he’ll love it.

4. Your nose….because it’s shiny, although you bemoan the fact and try hard to make the powder stay on….the amusing, lovable way you wrinkle it up when something pleases you.

5. Your attention….because you are a good listener and take an interest in what he has to say, which makes him feel important, also the encouragement you give him when he feels unsure.

6. Your dress….it’s just right for all occasions and you never embarrass him by wearing outrageous styles, colors and trimmings that are fussy and conspicuous….and besides, you walk firmly, with upright, graceful carriage, in ridiculously feminine, high-heeled shoes.

7. Your eyes….because they are so expressive, sparkling with fun or flashing with anger….because they send him charming messages which only he can read, and because they are the windows into which he can look, and always be sure of finding the real You.