Some time ago, while attending my monthly networking group, my ears were pierced by the raucous laughter of three women. I can’t rightly say young women, for I couldn’t judge how old they were. By there appearance you’d say late 20s, by their vocals–> you’d say 12. As the evening progressed, so did their volume. To spare my near-bursting ear-drums I ventured to the other side of the room, where the decible level was contained to a dull roar.
All night this proverb kept running through my mind: “the foolish woman is loud and boisterous, her feet rarely stay at home.”
There was one thing these girls were- and it wasn’t mysterious.
For some of you naturally quiet gals, this isn’t an issue, but for the rest of us, we can blow any attempts at mystery by loud-overblown conversation.
How to be Mysterious: Step 2
2.Pipe Down
-foolish woman is loud and boisterous. What are you known for? Being loud and cracking jokes? When enjoy conversation, do you generally dominate?
-Don’t express your opinions or thoughts so readily. Listen first. Gaining control over your vocals is a huge step in cultivating mystery.
-Don’t be afraid to enjoy the atmosphere. If you’re sitting alone or not talking to anyone, enjoy watching people, take in the sites, the smells, the moment. Grow in your observation skills- and keep that subtle smile as you bask in the atmosphere.
What is it about that subtle smile and graceful movement that captivates the curiosity of the onlooker? Is it something you can practice or follow a 3-step process?
Probably not.
But we know we want it.
So here’s my attempt, you may be surprised at how effective this is.
How to be Mysterious (in 4 easy steps)
1. Develop Discretion.
“What the heck is Discretion?” you might ask. It’s your job to find out. But to get you started- it’s understanding that there are some things that are not appropriate to discuss in mixed company. Private things should remain private. We need to teach ourselves and other young women that explicit or crude subjects are not coffee shop topics. Just because Oprah delights in exposing the latest scandal doesn’t mean you have to.
There will always be some women who participate in course jokes, but it’s never the woman who intrigues the men.
In fact, there are personal matters between husbands and wives that should not be discussed even with other women. (big surprise)
When in mixed company, discretion keeps you from pouncing into the lap of nearest goodlooking chappy. When a guy shows interest, discretion is what keeps you from spilling your entire life-story, inviting him out to coffee, and appearing pretty-much-desperate. Discretion is knowing that they are certain parties and clubs that a respectable woman simply does not frequent.
Tips and Tricks:
- Find someone to emulate. Look around you- who do you respect and admire? Perhaps you have a vintage actress who might be your muse?
-Study the Word of God, particularly the book of Proverbs, it will teach you how to make wise decisions and good judgment. Wisdom and Discretion usually come together.
- Be over cautious vs. over-agressive. When in doubt, don’t shout.
When they told me the event was at the Portland Convention Center, I hoped I brought the right outfit. This gig was more formal than I thought. Dress for Success 2010, and what a smashing success it was, over 1200 people packed the ballroom with the runway centerstage.
The models for the show were mainly gals from the program and it was fun to see our clothes on curvy, tall, short, skinny and otherwise normal bodies.
I was sitting at my table, empty seats on either side, alone save for a few interns across from me. Absorbed in munching on my very organic looking (was that a weed?) salad, I didn’t notice 3 hot guys sidle up to the table till they sat down around me.
“Hey, can we sit here?” the first guy dived into his salad to avoid moving seats even after the hotsy tots intern tried to relocate the guys to her table across the aisle. “Uh…I don’t know” I gulped, and went back to work on my backyard greens. Officially parked, the three gentlemen introduced themselves- apparently they were the local Firefighters and were the male models for the coming show.
The repartee began, with one guy even remarking, “You’re one of the designers? Really? I LOVE to sew!” (ha, nice try buddy)
I Was Flattered
It’s easy to be flattered by their attention (goes to show very conservative dressing is not a turn-off) but I was also cautious. I knew what they were after, and wasn’t about to go there. Yet as the night grew long, a little part of me kinda wished that I could accept their advances, to sport one of those coy glances (you know the type) that the girls across the table were flitting in our direction. Thankfully, it didn’t last more than a moment, and to my relief, the guys soon headed off backstage.
After the show, the crowd came back, and the flirtation around me began afresh. I saw pens coming out and numbers being written, and I knew I had to get out of there. The Holy Spirit gave me wings, I ran for the hills, leaving the revelers still at the table.
Why Am I Disappointed?
Driving home I was surprised to find myself oddly disappointed. Shocked, I knew secretly, I wanted to be back at that table, I wanted to soak it in, to feel admired…to enjoy the attention. Angry at my own weakness, I asked the Lord, “What is this? I’m struggling here, even when I know that their attention is trivial and fake and could never make me happy!”
In answer, I felt the Holy Spirit reminding me: “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” A cold bucket of water to the face.
Silly Christa. Does the Lord not have a beautiful plan for you? If your future husband were here would you feel the same?
We all fall for the worlds empty promises at times, thankfully we have a personal consultant that can comfort and challenge when needed. To walk in obedience is truly the place of rich blessing.
“Charm is deceptive and beauty does not last, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”
Sitting pretty on the NYC city subway, I mused over the rather boring edition of the local paper. My mental lethargy dissipated when I spotted an article near the bottom : ” Ad Campaign tries to prove that chivalry is alive in NYC”
Intriguing.
The recent Dockers “Wear the Pants Campaign” is hitting the streets of the Big Apple and making an impact. “We’re being manly men and showing you that chivalry is not dead,” said Curtis Pierre, 23, one of 100 men performing gentlemanly acts yesterday in Times Square. In an age when women are taking on breadwinner roles, the guestures were a welcome surprise. “It’s refreshing,” said Lori Carr, 43 visiting from Homestead, FLa. “Gender roles are always clashing,” Pierre said, “but regardless of whether women want to be more independent, there are things men are supposed to do.”
I only wish I could have visited Times Square a day earlier to blow a kiss to one of these handsome strangers.
Little did I know.
Heading back to the airport, two 60lb bags (well, not quite) on my arms, I struggled through the morass of people getting on and off the Metro, nearly tripping down 2 flights of steps and staggering up the other side. Nyorkers are busy. They walk as if their coat tails are on fire and someone is giving out free lottery tickets just around the corner. No sympathetic looks or offers to help- until I heard a manly voice behind me- “What is a pretty girl like you doing carrying those bags? Let me give you hand…where I come from, no lady would be without help.” I puddled and handed the bag. The Carolina transplant walked me to the Subway and bade safe journey. “Not all New Yorkers are Jerks” he said and waved goodbye.
Once upon a time, men wore the pants, and wore them well. Women rarely had to open doors and little old ladies never crossed the street alone. Men took charge because that’s what they did. But somewhere along the way, the world decided it no longer needed men. Disco by disco, latte by foamy non-fat latte, men were stripped of their khakis and left stranded on the road between boyhood and androgyny. But today, there are questions our genderless society has no answers for. The world sits idly by as cities crumble, children misbehave and those little old ladies remain on one side of the street. For the first time since bad guys, we need heroes. We need grown-ups. We need men to put down the plastic fork, step away from the salad bar and untie the world from the tracks of complacency. It’s time to get your hands diry. It’s time to answer the call of manhood. It’s time to WEAR THE PANTS.
Cheers to Dockers. Cheers to Chivalry. Cheers to the young man among a thousand who offered to carry my bags.
If some of u happened to land on our homepaige this mourning, you might have noticed a rather prominent spelling error. I’ve never been a wizz in this department, and you certainly won’t find any “spelling bee” trophies in my closet. Someday someone will explane the difference between your and you’re, wear and where, their and there and ….well, you get my point.
But one thing I do no, being a lady transcends spelling.
We’re here as a companie and a blog, to be a support to all of you wonderful women who continue to show the world that fashionable, modest women should be seen and heard.
So on this gray (or is it grey?) Monday mourning, in Port-land Oregun, I’m sending out a toast to all you trendsetting, culture-shifting empowered women.
I’m glad I live in Portland. Up here in the rain and dreary clouds, no one is expected to have a perfect tan (in fact, there is a veritable club who spends their time picking out the self-tanners or tanning booth attendees in a crowd). Blond hair isn’t the universal hair color, and women rarely frequent the Oregon coast in a bikini.
Even the most stylish don’t feel the pressure a commoner might feel on the streets of LA.(No, we leave our obsessions to our organic grains and Portland-roasted coffee beans.)
But even with all these seeming advantages, I can, on some small level, relate to the drive Heidi Montag feels in her relentless pursuit of physical beauty. More than anything, I feel sorry for her as she desperately seeks happiness in her attractiveness. Continue Reading »
It’s wonderful to be feminine. Sometimes it’s the little things that make life sweet, and refreshing and everything nice. I asked two girl-friends to write out a few things that “enjoyable side effects to being feminine?” So here you have their answers.
- The graceful movement of tucking your hair behind your ear as you type on your computer in a cafe
- the tickle of your dangling earrings tapping against your cheek as you turn your head
- the mystery of wearing a small smile as you shop for romain lettuce and bell peppers. You have a sweet secret that no one else knows.
- enjoying a spontanious skip and twirl every once and a while… Whether or not someone might see.
- pointing your toes under the dinner table during a family meal
- the soft scent of powder make-up in the morning
- buying pretty underclothes…
- or even wearing lacy underwear under your favorite baggy, boyfriend-cut jeans. haha, maybe this is just a me thing.
- wearing ribbon in your hair that was salvaged from the wrapping on the gift from your valentine
-the way you walk across the street, even far away, your silhouette says, “I am a woman.”
- the way your skirts ruffle and fall flirtatiously over the edge of your seat
-the swish of your skirt when you sit down in the car
-the sound of your heels clipping the pavement.
-the hint of your signature perfume.
-the light reflected from sparkly jewelry
- playfully tossing your hair over your shoulder.
- the distinguished air that only a woman can hold…
Any ideas you care to add to the list? (I’m sure there are more!)
________
Many Thanks to Andie Haugen and Holly Smith for their time and inspiration!
I am so far from perfect. In fact I struggle with physical insecurities probably more than the average gal. I know what’s it’s like to wake up and hear Mr. Mirror whispering, “You would be much more beautiful if you lost 15 lbs. You’ll never be attractive unless you have the sculpted body of a celebrity. You have to slim down those thighs!” Stare long enough and you’ll hate what you see in the mirror.
For me, attacks on my identity are normal.
“We live in a world where hollow feminine allure is applauded and where true feminine radiance is mocked. The cultures message is simple, it’s all based on sex. The sexier you are, the more beautiful you are.” This message has filtered into every advertisement and magazine cover you’ve glimpsed. Even our little sisters are no longer free from this constant barrage.
You see, our culture always has a counterfeit of the real thing.
The problem is we forget.
Our original design is nothing like what the magazine covers shout for you to be. Our search for societies definition of beauty leads to a life entirely focused on self; dieting, eating disorders, excessive exercise, purchase of and wearing the latest trends, pursuing guys, are all outward signs of following the counterfeit
we have a choice to listen to this faulty pattern or remind ourselves of the truth.
“True beauty does not depend upon clothes, makeup, or malls. It does not come from perfect skin or an ideal figure. It’s not found in the advice of modern magazines. It can’ be seen in the glitz and glamour of Hollywood. True beauty, in a nutshell, is found in a soul completely surrendered to Jesus Christ, a heart consumed by Him alone, and a life eagerly poured out for his sake. That is when we will sparkle with heaven’s radiance and stand out from among all other women like a lily among thorns (Song of Solomon 2:2) “
How do you deal with the intense insecurity based on your physical appearance?
Immediately fight back with the truth of Scripture. “My life is not my own. I’ve been bought with a price. I will not look to pop cultures’ standards to define my security, but to Jesus Christ and the purchase of his cross.” Repent and ask God to make you pure and beautiful in His eyes. He will provide the grace to help you along, He is a shield to all those who take refuge in Him.
Our first goal in whatever we do with our bodies is to honor ONE person- Jesus Christ. As we seek to develop a beauty that reflects His own, we will glow with a radiance that is not propped up by makeup, stylish clothes or a great body. It is the unfading beauty of a spirit at rest- which is precious in God’s sight.
We don’t have to grasp for a contrived beauty, we can live in the freedom of our original design.
haha, maybe this is just a me thing.
