Empowered Traditionalist

For some of you, this won’t ring any bells. For others of you, it will be a resounding siren, ringing lots of bells.
You are familiar with the man ache, the restless longing to belong to someone, to feel cherished by one man who can warm you with his stability and protection. You have wrestled many a time with your own fears, and ended up drowning it out by watching Jane Auston repeats.

I wish I could say I was strong, and confident in the Lord 100% of the time, but that definitely isn’t true.
This feeling is familiar to me as well.

But we really aren’t longing for a man at all. We’re longing for home.
Not the home where you sleep at night, but the place that you were made for. No amount of chic cafe visits, no parties, no level of financial independence, cool friends, positive self-talk or even the “dream guy” will satisfy this ache.

If chick flicks and chocolate isn’t the answer- is there another option?

As Connally Gilliam writes, in her book Revelations of a Single Woman

There is another alternative, It is not an easy alternative, but it’s straightforward enough. It is to simply let the ache work on use, shape us, and thereby do its job. When we let the ache become a part of our story and not something to be conquered through striving or numbed by our narcotic of choice, it can serve us well. It can propel us forward, paradoxically, in life-giving-even joy-giving-ways. It can remind us that we are made for something more-that this life is not all it was intended to be- and it’s good to want more. It can remind us that our longing for intimacy, connection, and home is real; it’s a party of our DNA, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It can prompt us to look at our lives honestly and face current realities head-on. But most of all, if we can “walk with the ache, even when it hurts,” as my friend Caroline likes to say, something amazing can occur.

. It is in the asking, in midst of the fearful place, where we have a chance to believe and discover that some kind of home is out there, and it can be found by anyone, starting now…
So for now, I recognize my homesickness as something through which God is going to walk with me, in ways I think will surprise me for the good. And when the ache is too much-when I just have to plop down on the floor and burst out crying-I’ll again get his help to keep walking, realizing that homesickness is simply a reminder. My longings are in line with my design; I’m created for the secure joys of coming home…
Jesus has gone on ahead to get the house ready for you, me and a slew of other unknown-to-me people to come home. Maybe it’s a strange concept to some folks, but something about this party grows increasingly amazing to me the more I travel. In the last book of the Bible, this homecoming is compared to a wedding and reception of celestial proportions. It’s the marriage of Jesus and his people.

It’s time to see our longing for what they truly are, redirect them to our heavenly home. Even if we never get married on this earth, we will someday. There will be a wedding.
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Many thanks to my cousin Heidi who graciously typed up several pages from the book as an encouragement to me a few days back.

Coronet Magazine, circa 1950. I saw this and thought it was way to cute to pass up.
Courtesy of Betty Beguiles

1. Your voice must be gentle and warm, then he’ll want to listen to your expressive tones. And you’ll know the value of a soft whisper, but – most important – you’ll know when not to talk.

2. Your laugh….that special little chuckle which is all your own….the toss of your head as you laugh at his jokes….across a crowded room, your secret smile which takes him into your heart.

3. Your hair….blowing freely in the wind, tempting him to run his fingers through….even the little bit that stands straight up and defies attempts to tidy it – it’s endearing and he’ll love it.

4. Your nose….because it’s shiny, although you bemoan the fact and try hard to make the powder stay on….the amusing, lovable way you wrinkle it up when something pleases you.

5. Your attention….because you are a good listener and take an interest in what he has to say, which makes him feel important, also the encouragement you give him when he feels unsure.

6. Your dress….it’s just right for all occasions and you never embarrass him by wearing outrageous styles, colors and trimmings that are fussy and conspicuous….and besides, you walk firmly, with upright, graceful carriage, in ridiculously feminine, high-heeled shoes.

7. Your eyes….because they are so expressive, sparkling with fun or flashing with anger….because they send him charming messages which only he can read, and because they are the windows into which he can look, and always be sure of finding the real You.

I grew up wearing sensible shoes.

They were called “Buster Browns” in the day, and they served my Catholic school uniform( with the chubbette expando-waist band) quite well.

I don’t know when the day-dream began, maybe it was Dorothy’s sparkle slippers in Oz, but I had always wished that I were a Red High Heel. You know the kind of person who wears them. She turns heads, she enters a room with vibrant assurance and she owns it! She is beautifully bold, she can think on her (pretty) feet, she is magnetic and daring, she exudes confidence. Most of my young adult years were spent comparing myself to my female counterparts who seemed to walk in these qualities. The dark brooding envy stayed with me well into my forties. I covered it up with good Christian principles, but I knew and God knew.

“God! I want to be a Red High Heel!”

One morning, walking to the mailbox, I shouted,” God, I want to be a Red High Heel!” And He answered: “ Well, you aren’t and you won’t, so stop asking!”

“Look at your feet Jane, you are a comfortable sneaker. You are what people find non-threatening, you are my secret agent—and you can get behind the lines of defense and mistrust. You will always be a well-worn shoe…but take a look at Who is walking in them, guiding you, anointing you, blessing you, and loving others through you. It doesn’t get better than this! “

-So now, I still love red shoes. If you have a pair, I will beg them from you if they are my size, but I’m smiling inside. I know what God tells me about all of us. Look again at Who is wearing them.

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I was sharing dinner with Jane and her husband and this story surfaced as I was slipping on my “red shoes” to leave. Dear Jane then graciously wrote it down for me to share with you all. Thank you Jane!

Wimpy theology makes wimpy women.

The opposite of a wimpy woman is NOT a loud, boisterous, uppity, vocal,pushy, brash, controlling, sassy Amazon!

The opposite is-

14 year old Marie Durant, arrested for being a protestant and imprisoned. She was told “You can get out for one phrase! “I abjure”.

and she wrote on her prison wall, “I resist” and stayed there for 38 years till she died doing just that.

Gladys Staines
Another opposite is Gladys Staines, 1999, spent 3 decades serving, with her family, the lepers of India. One day she heard the news that her husband, Graham, and little Philip (10) and Timothy (6) had been set on fire, burned alive in the back of their car- she had one message to the people of India:
“I am not bitter, neither am I angry. Let us burn hatred and spread the flame of Christ’s love.” Her young daughter Ester, (13) said: “I praise the Lord that he found my father worthy to die for Him.”

That is a True woman.

Margaret Lauchlison & Margaret Wilson
The opposite of a wimpy woman is the older Margaret and her young friend of the same name. During the “Great Ejection” in Scotland both were arrested for proclaiming Christ. Margaret Lauchlison was tied to stake well out from the beach as the younger Margaret Wilson was forced to watch. The tidal waters began to overwhelm her. The soldiers offered to save her if only she would say “God save the King!” She replied insistently, “God save him if He will, for it is his salvation that I desire.” This did not satisfy the men.

The soldiers then took the young Margaret and tied her as well. “Will you recant?” the solders asked for the last time. “No,” she said “because I love the Lord.” and with that she continued reciting Scripture until the waters totally engulfed her.

Kimmy
The opposite of a wimpy woman is Kimmy Harris, who, while bearing her first child found her baby to have a dangerous heart defect. After little baby “Faith” was born, Kimmy and her husband underwent numerous hospital visits, moved from home to receive further medical expertise, suffered and wept and prayed. God saw fit to take their little darling home early, just a few short months after her birth. Kimmy’s heart harbors no bitterness.

Wimpy theology does not give a woman a god big enough, strong enough, wise enough, good enough to handle the realities of life in a way that enables her to magnify Him and His Son all the time.

He’s not big enough. Our view of God is warped by our “woman-centeredness” (aka as “man-centeredness)

But having a true view of God and His divine Sovereignty leads to a mind-boggling understanding of true womanhood and the courage to walk in it.

Whether married or single, Don’t settle for wimpy theology. Don’t waste your womanhood.

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I stand on the shoulders of John Piper and Susan Hunt as I share this. Dr. Piper shared a powerful session on The Ultimate Meaning of True Womanhood and I share some of his insights here. I share the story of the two Margaret’s from Susan Hun’ts book “By Design”

continued from part 1
Does the Bible talk about makeup?
Nowhere in the scriptures are we commanded to wear, pursue or apply makeup. But neither does it prohibit it. In fact several women who were honored in scripture took time and attention for their appearance.
The Proverbs 31 woman is dressed is high quality, beautiful clothing
Ester underwent 12 months of beauty treatments, 6 with oil and myrrh and 6 with cosmetics
The Bride in Song of Songs wore jewelry
While these things are not prohibited,
Peter teaches us that our primary attraction should not be our external appearance but the unfading beauty of a meek and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:3,4) We are also told that we are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor 3:16, 1 Cor 6:20) our bodies are not our own. That excludes all harmful or dangerous procedures. But it also reminds us, we are to beautify His dwelling place. We as women were created from the beginning, to be beautiful. We reflect that aspect of God’s character.
Notice that last phrase: “glorify God in your body”
We need to find out from HIM how we should think about and care for our appearance.
What makeup and how much? What glorifies God!
It all returns to the heart.

Understanding Makeup use:

As far as I see it, there are two types of makeup usage: 1) Concealer and 2) Enhancement

Concealing:
The truth is, blemishes weren’t always the bane of our mornings. There was a time when acne and scarring never tormented a female face, when baggy lids, chapped lips, or blotchy skin were inconceivable. Before the fall, imperfections did not exist. But with the fall came the demise of the perfect world. Our world is broken, waiting for it’s final restoration. While we wait we do our best to camouflage some of the negative effects on our body.
It is foolish to believe that appearances don’t matter at all. For the same reason we exercise or use proper hygiene we also apply our concealer and lipstick. It is perfectly acceptable and even advisable to gently correct some of our facial flaws. Walking about town with “tired eyes” or untreated blemishes does not reflect the beauty of Christ nor enhance our opportunities to share the Gospel.

So we do the bare minimum, what about makeup enhancement?

Applying make-up is a fun, creative activity. It serves the function of an accessory.
There’s nothing wrong with enhancing, or sinful in applying eyeshadow or liner if done in moderation and from a heart that has put Christ first.
There’s nothing inherently bad about a man working out to strengthen his muscles. But spending hours in the gym striving for perfectly defined tone is not a good use of one’s time or body. So with our makeup.
I am an artist, and love expressing my personality through trying different makeup ideas. And honestly, my dad and brothers appreciate it. They see girls in the world wearing it all the time, and it’s nice to come home to a woman who put a little extra into her appearance. (This is a preference only, the men in your life may prefer otherwise)

I would like to close with 1 Cor 10:31
I think we can safely paraphrase the words of Paul, Whether you wear makeup or refrain, whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. “

My dear sister, Hannah Farver, from Beauty From the Heart launched this video in preparation for her book.

It touches an issue many of us are familiar with.

Beauty from the Heart: Faces

Women in America spend 7 billion dollars on cosmetics a year. An average of $100 per woman, per month. That’s a lot of money! From models with airbrushed makeup to Gramma’s who get their eyebrows tattooed, obviously women care immensely about their appearance.

And today, women care more than ever before.

Is this is a biblical desire? What is a Christian stance on makeup?
Our teaching elder, Gregg Harris, remarks “we are to have a “theology” for everything”. What does makeup have to do with the Great commission or showing the love of Christ?
I believe the answer to all of these questions begins with the heart.

Your outward appearance, including your makeup usage is public display of your personal motivation. If your heart is set on serving God, and honoring Him, your appearance will follow. As John McArthur writes:

A woman should examine her motives and goals for the way she dresses. [or wears makeup] Is her intent to show the grace and beauty of womanhood? Is it to reveal a humble heart devoted to worshipping God? Or is it to call attention to herself and flaunt her beauty? Or worse, to attempt to allure men sexually? A woman who focuses on worshipping God will consider carefully how she is dressed, because her heart will dictate her wardrobe and appearance”

Allow me to interject, it is perfectly ok to refrain from wearing makeup altogether! Makeup wearing or not wearing is a liberty for you to decide. But, again, it comes back to the heart. We all must ensure that our choice to refrain is coming from a heart that desires to honor God.

So some questions to ask yourself as your facing your mirror:
-Do I wear makeup to appear older, more professional etc?
-Am I trying to hide some insecurity/dissatisfaction in who God made me?
-When was the last time I thanked God for how He created me?
-Why am I wearing makeup? Whose compliments do I desire or whose approval do I crave?
-Is the amount of time I spend in my makeup and beauty preparation excessive or it God-honoring?
-Do I spend too much on cosmetics or is the amount I spend God-honoring?
-Is my makeup usage point to the beauty of Christ or my fascination with the world?
-Am I showing moderation and self-control or am I distracting others from the inner beauty of the heart?

Once we honestly answer and assess our hearts we are able to move forward in an application and use of makeup that is God honoring.

Part 2, coming Tuesday…

Makeup is a touchy issue for many and I have received numerous queries on the subject so I am endeavoring to write out what I believe to be is the “biblical theology” on makeup.

If you would like to help me in this endeavor please list your questions regarding makeup below. For example:

“Is eye-liner too seductive?” or “Is makeup modest?”

The more specific, the better.

I put this questions separately because Natalie’s response is so crucially important. Really grab a hold of what she is communicating, it will radically change the way you live.

Christa: If there was one thing you could tell other young women what would it be?
Natalie: Our culture—even the conservative Christian sub-culture—often lives for approval. We hide any rough edges or signs of wear behind a carefully constructed mask of confidence, perfection, and success. Perhaps the Christian version of success holds a different form than pop culture’s, but it is every bit as constricting. Each group has their checklist and each of us mentally weighs self and everyone else against the ideal persona. Yet will we ever measure up?

Even if we could conceivably do everything right, neither life nor God offer a guarantee that our world will progress in the way we want it to. In fact, the one surety we have is that disappointments, hurts, and injustice will appear to shred our hopeful house of cards. Everyone’s expectations must ultimately adjust to reality.

Find and embrace the freedom God intends for us as His daughters. Be confident—not in your own attributes but in His love and faithfulness. Be courageous in the face of possible heartache, pain, and disappointment.

My challenge to young women: Find and embrace the freedom God intends for us as His daughters. Be confident—not in your own attributes but in His love and faithfulness. Be courageous in the face of possible heartache, pain, and disappointment. Strive not for any group’s ideals but only for the call the Lord proclaims in His word. Holiness (1 Peter 1:16). Purity (Philippians 1:10; 1 Timothy 5:22). Compassion (Colossians 3:12).

Some make their foremost goal to avoid pain, wounds, and scars. Yet by God’s sovereign choosing, pain and suffering are most often the way He chooses to teach about both His heart and yours, and to mold you into what He desires you to be. Refuse to allow fear of heartbreak to determine the direction or dynamic of your relationships. Fight against the temptation to be hesitant or overly guarded to the point of wearing a mask. Don’t be afraid of pain, whether it is in your relationship with a family member, best friend, or sweetheart.

This is the path of an Empowered Traditionalist.

This interview will be posted in two parts with the final article “What happens when the guy I like doesn’t like me?” coming at it’s conclusion. Thank you Natalie for all your time, and for sharing your wisdom and experience.

Christa: Natalie, Tell us a little about who you are, where you grew up, etc.

Natalie: Growing up in the Midwest as a PK (pastor’s kid) with three brothers meant something interesting was usually happening, whether it was riding horses, building tree forts, playing in the forest, or scrawling never-to-be-completed epic novels on notebook paper. We were involved in foreign missions work from my earliest memories; when I was in high school my Dad (Paul Nyquist) became president of Avant Ministries which is pioneering short-cycle church planting. He and Mom live on a forested acreage in Kansas City; my oldest brother is married and the younger two are students at Moody Bible Institute.
I was homeschooled, got my degree in Biblical Studies from Moody, and am currently a Journeyman in the Christian Writer’s Guild. Two of my greatest loves are writing and travel. In-between work with the Young Ladies Christian FellowshipI released three non-fiction books for young women with more in the works. I’ve visited Europe, Africa, the Middle East, Asia, and lived in places as diverse as Japan, Alaska, and Chicago.

Christa: What influenced or brought you to write, “Quest for High Places”?

Natalie: The short answer: Heartache. Quest came into existence because, with rare exception, the waiting heart is a hurting heart. Navigating singleness and courtship entails risk and offers no pathway guaranteeing protection from pain. Healing from my own relationships that did not end in marriage opened my eyes to issues that seemed largely ignored and unanswered among my peers. Quest became the beginning of my journey through those questions. I hoped it would open up dialogue on the topics and most importantly minister hope and healing to the readers who struggled with those same wounds, confusions, and fears.

part 2 coming tomorrow.