Empowered Traditionalist

I’m glad I live in Portland. Up here in the rain and dreary clouds, no one is expected to have a perfect tan (in fact, there is a veritable club who spends their time picking out the self-tanners or tanning booth attendees in a crowd). Blond hair isn’t the universal hair color, and women rarely frequent the Oregon coast in a bikini.

Even the most stylish don’t feel the pressure a commoner might feel on the streets of LA.(No, we leave our obsessions to our organic grains and Portland-roasted coffee beans.)

But even with all these seeming advantages, I can, on some small level, relate to the drive Heidi Montag feels in her relentless pursuit of physical beauty. More than anything, I feel sorry for her as she desperately seeks happiness in her attractiveness. Continue Reading »

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I am so far from perfect. In fact I struggle with physical insecurities probably more than the average gal. I know what’s it’s like to wake up and hear Mr. Mirror whispering, “You would be much more beautiful if you lost 15 lbs. You’ll never be attractive unless you have the sculpted body of a celebrity. You have to slim down those thighs!” Stare long enough and you’ll hate what you see in the mirror.

For me, attacks on my identity are normal.

“We live in a world where hollow feminine allure is applauded and where true feminine radiance is mocked. The cultures message is simple, it’s all based on sex. The sexier you are, the more beautiful you are.” This message has  filtered into every advertisement and magazine cover you’ve glimpsed. Even our little sisters are no longer free from this constant barrage.

You see, our culture always has a counterfeit of the real thing.

The problem is we forget.

Our original design is nothing like what the magazine covers shout for you to be. Our search for societies definition of beauty leads to a life entirely focused on self; dieting, eating disorders, excessive exercise, purchase of and wearing the latest trends, pursuing guys, are all outward signs of following the counterfeit

we have a choice to listen to this faulty pattern or remind ourselves of the truth.

“True beauty does not depend upon clothes, makeup, or malls. It does not come from perfect skin or an ideal figure. It’s not found in the advice of modern magazines. It can’ be seen in the glitz and glamour of Hollywood. True beauty, in a nutshell, is found in a soul completely surrendered to Jesus Christ, a heart consumed by Him alone, and a life eagerly poured out for his sake. That is when we will sparkle with heaven’s radiance and stand out from among all other women like a lily among thorns (Song of Solomon 2:2) “

How do you deal with the intense insecurity based on your physical appearance?

Immediately fight back with the truth of Scripture.  “My life is not my own. I’ve been bought with a price. I will not look to pop cultures’ standards to define my security, but to Jesus Christ and the purchase of his cross.”  Repent and ask God to make you pure and beautiful in His eyes. He will provide the grace to help you along, He is a shield to all those who take refuge in Him.

Our first goal in whatever we do with our bodies is to honor ONE person- Jesus Christ. As we seek to develop a beauty that reflects His own, we will glow with a radiance that is not propped up by makeup, stylish clothes or a great body. It is the unfading beauty of a spirit at rest- which is precious in God’s sight.

We don’t have to grasp for a contrived beauty, we can live in the freedom of our original design.

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Resources:The Lost Art of True Beauty: The Set-Apart Girl’s Guide to Feminine Grace

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Leah was the girl nobody wanted.

Not by her father Laben, and not by her husband Jacob.

The Genesis story tells us what happens,

“When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. ³² Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.” She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Because the LORD heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon. Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi. She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the LORD.” So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.

We pity Leah as she names her sons to mark her misery. Leah, desperate for love, is trying to find happiness “through traditional family values”. Sons will make her husband love her right? It wasn’t working.

Every time we put our hopes in something other than God, at the end of the day, we will distort our lives,  and wake up disappointed and despairing.

Nothing can make us happy except the one person that was meant to. Everything and everyone else, marriage, intimacy, success, beauty, power, will be empty promises.

But you know what’s beautiful about Leah’s story?

She hits a breakthrough in the last verse- “She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the LORD.” So she named him Judah” There is a note of defiance here, she’s declaring- “Enough trying to use children to gain love and happiness, I’m going to serve God first!”

Tim Keller writes, “It appears that finally, she had taken her heart’s deepest hopes off of her husband and her children, and had put them on the Lord. Jacob and Laban had stolen Leah’s life, but when she gave her heart finally to the Lord, she got her life back”

That’s not the end of the story. God in his kindness, takes the girl who is unloved, and gives her a special gift. Judah.

And from Judah, we are told, the true King, the Messiah will come.

“Salvation came into the world, not through beautiful Rachel, but through the unwanted one, the unloved one…the text says that when the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he loved her…”I am the real bridegroom. I am the husband of the husbandless.”

This is the God who saves by grace, and the only God worth living for.

Sources:
Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power, and the Only Hope that Matters

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He’s tall, somewhere around 6′2″,  ruggedly handsome, dark hair, muscular build and a smile that makes you melt. And of course, he’s got a beautiful horse (read=nice car) and a castle (great job & house).

He’s the perfect hero right?

Hmm.

Perhaps today, our fairy-tale romances are more of a hindrance than a help.

Imagine this scenario, a godly young man approaches you, he’s kind, warm-hearted with a few normal quirks, great in every respect, except…slightly deficient in the looks department.
Now – imagine with me- same guy, incredibly good looking.

Would you go for the same man IF he WERE incredibly handsome?

Are our standards of what men should be and look like biblical or cultural? Statistically, across the American church, women haven proven to be “overly” picky, rather than the converse. Surprised? We shouldn’t be.

By the time we are in our early twenties we have seen enough Jane Austen and Chic fliks to create a standard for potential suitors that would make even Cinderella chuckle.

But I’m not going to give you a “3-rules” approach to choosing the right mate, by any means. Just a reminder- re-align your standards of a future spouse with the standards found in scripture.

Instead of asking “What guy am I attracted to?” Why don’t you ask, “What guy would make a good husband and father?”

Am I saying settle for less? Of course not, just be aware of the false standards Hollywood puts on men (and women) today.

My knight in shining armor does not have to be rich nor famous, but  a simple, faithful man , sound in faith and life, whose armor is his character and his humility his fame.

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Ralph Lauren is getting major bad press when one of their ads featured an overly-edited image.

It begs the question: How much photo manipulate do we accept as reality? Let’s look at a few before/after shots to get an idea of how ridiculously impossible the standard of beauty really is.

Retouching Cosmo Mag cover

Fashion Shots from the Experts (view with discretion)

Fashion Model-

Watch the video-

UPDATE: New articles are out! Another image surfaces : Here

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Leslie Ludy has truly become a mentor in many ways, hear some of her thoughts on your precious single years:

“I have not found that the church today is overflowing with single women who have sworn off marriage in exchange for selfish pursuits. Rather, the church is overflowing with young women who are wallowing in discontentment, putting their lives on hold until they finally meet their spouse, and assuming that marriage is when their ‘real life’ will begin.”

Does this ring a bell? Do you feel the not-so-subtle pressure for the Christian community that says, you aren’t truly fulfilled until you have a man?

We all can relate to periods of loneliness, yes, but do those seasons drive us to “self-help” books or to a more intimate relationship with Jesus?

An ET is unconcerned with the disapproval and opinions of others

“They don’t get ruffled by the singles’ support groups all around them. They aren’t shaken by the subtle pressure of friends and family members to hurry up and find a guy. Why? Because they understand that their bodies are living sacrifices to the King of kings…they are ravished and captivated by their soul’s Husband.”

Are you joyfully yielded to Jesus Christ, trusting His perfect timing and buildling your life around Him rather than the pursuit of marriage?

Application Questions:

-When you’re alone, Where do your thoughts go? Do you start to fantasize about the cute guy at church or are you conversing with Jesus and meditating on Him?

-Do you believe the impression that you won’t be really happy until you’re married?

-Are you giving yourself whole-heartedly to the service of the King (ministry, service, etc) or are you thinking about ways to position yourself in front of “available men”?

-Do you find yourself believing the “survival of the fittest” mentality? Or are you seeking to be a woman who is truly set-apart, guarding her feminine mystique?

-Do you find yourself dropping hints, pursuing a friendship, or (not so) subtly initiating a friendship to the next level?
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Sacred Singleness: The Set-Apart Girl’s Guide to Purpose and Fulfillment

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Life is full of little mental encounters when your true character has a chance to shine through.

I was heading to a large mixer event, as one of the hosts, I wanted to look sharp and chic, polished and put-together. In modern vernacular: I needed to look hot.

So here I am, facing my closet wondering what to pull out that would fit the nights agenda. After exchanging hangers several times I realized “ you silly oaf, what are you trying to do? Here you are, attempting to match some vague standard of  “stylishness” without considering who you are and what you stand for! You afraid of being considered too modest?”

Laughing at my own weakness, I resolved to dress just as I would if I was going to the same event with believers attending.

I ended up looking “sharp and chic, polished and put-together” but also modest and classy. Nothing radically changed in what I was wearing, but my attitude changed from fear to confidence knowing that I was myself, and my identity is found first and foremost as His daughter.

Lesson learned: Being an ET isn’t about fitting in, it’s about commitment to your values and loving every minute of it.

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Leslie Ludy just launched her latest book, Answering the Guy Questions: The Set-Apart Girls Guide to Relating to the Opposite Sex
and it is an excellent resource for any young woman seeking to build Christ-exalting male-female friendships.

Some questions she covers:

- How do I find the right guy?
-Are my standards too high?
-Can I live fully for Christ and still find true love?
-How do I develop a God-honoring friendship with a guy?
-How do I become beautiful to a godly guy?
-What if I’ve already made mistakes?

Leslie and I had a conversation about modesty and somehow I ended up in her book (yes, she did ask)

“When a young woman chooses to dress in a way that thoughtlessly exposes her body or, worse, seeks to use her body to allure men sexually, she is reducing herself to mere “eye candy”. All that is truly good and beautiful and unique about a young woman is lost and she is only seen as an object for sex. Womanhood today is so crude, largely because of the attack on female modesty. Many mainstream fashion trends are very unflattering. Low rise jeans, for instance, can create “muffin tops” and when seated, reveal way too much of your derriere to the unfortunate individual behind you. This does not enhance a woman’s beauty or attractiveness. In contrast, a woman who is dressed with dignity and grace, in feminine apparel that flatters, draws attention to her face, her personality, and charm.

Modesty is the ancient secret of allure. An oxymoron? I think not. When women choose to dress with modesty and dignity, it just might flip everything around…we were created in such a way that when we humans act without restraint and without any rules, we don’t have as much fun! Modesty and dignity help women protect their romantic hopes, challenge men to be courteous and honorable, and will turn the whole sexual revolution on its head. That is something to look forward to.”

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…continued from part 1

Are You Trustworthy?

Also, be trustworthy…and make an effort to really know your brother/sister. (Who would  tell someone their secret dreams if they knew it would be used against them somehow?)  When a young man seeks to win a woman’s heart, he studies her – he becomes her “student” in a way (and vice versa). So why are we content to simply go through our lives with our siblings, and not really know them?  This is something I’ve been seeking to grow in.  Getting to know what my brother thinks about things, how he feels about things, his dreams, his fears, what he likes, what he doesn’t like etc.  I think this can grow more difficult as you grow older and it seems like your lives are all going in separate directions.  But prioritize this relationship and you will reap Continue Reading »

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By Guest Blogger, Lady Tai from Beggarly Bouquet

It’s all too easy to take for granted the most precious things in life. We often don’t realize how valuable they are until they are gone.
May God help us all to realize the special gifts he has given us in our own siblings.
Most of us had no choice in who came to be our brothers and sisters. Continue Reading »

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